#not me forgetting to put hashtags for a whole 10 minutes

[sofish-ticated]

RAAAAAAH IM DONE

(to the comment b4: i didn't do actual poison but the drinks are called sweet poison cocktails hehe)

I got kinda lazy on the rendering but I also had no idea what I was doing.. welp, ima go sleep for 1000 years now 💀

[cosplayinamerica]

Handsome Squidward from Spongebob Squarepants : timtanco // Photo : Alison_gail_qny

I think as we grow up a lot of us become a Squidward and forget how to have fun or at least I did. But I mostly like to make characters I grew up watching on tv and enjoy. Also characters that people don’t do much of but when you see that character you instantly know who they are.

The process wasn’t too bad in making the whole costume but it did take a while to make. It started with just the mask and waiting months to figure out how I wanted to make the eyes. I never like to rush any builds and work on things when motivation is there. If it feels like work I’ll put the project to the side and work on something else or take a break till I’m ready again. The best part about creating the cosplay is that I have an EVA foam and Foam Clay company with a friend called @MaskedDadWorkshop so the projects always make us feel like a kid in a candy store for the most part. With Handsome Squidward I had to get out of my comfort zone just a little bit, sewing the clothes and sleeves for arms. Luckily the visibility wasn’t as bad as one would think and previous cosplays so I lucked out a little.

I didn’t know what to expect wearing it to NYCC. I figured everyone would laugh and keep it moving but soo many people stopped and screamed with joy chasing me down to get a pic  or get up close. I couldn’t walk around the con for 10 seconds without posing for pictures for about 10 minutes. I guess I was a hit lol I’m not sure if media or press stopped me but a lot of pics were taken, so I guess we’ll see what keeps popping up on the hashtags lol

Cosplay reminded me how much I enjoyed art my whole life and gave me a way to escape from being consumed in working a 9-9 for 7 years of my life. I grew up watching a lot of the cosplays I’ve made on tv and to become that character gives me so many positive feelings and emotions I wouldn’t change it for the word. THANK YOU to everyone that enjoyed Handsome Squidward. The joy I had making it and the joy it brought to others is greatest feeling in the world and hopefully the next build can do the same.

https://linktr.ee/Timtanco

[honestlyhappyharry]

Chapter 10

The Storm

Chapter 9

Something on Tuesday morning felt off. Harry had stayed over again, much to your delight. He didn't want to overstep the boundary lines but everything was falling into place between the two of you, it was like you had gone back to your old relationship. Warm and cozy was all you could feel.

But that morning was cold. Harry's side of the bed was cold, at only 6:30. While he'd not stayed over much you still felt like it was out of character.

You tried to push it out of your head and got out of bed to pack Lily's lunch for Pre K before making her breakfast.

At the bottom of the stairs, you peeked into the lounge to see Harry hunched over on the couch, phone in hand. "Are you okay?" He popped his head up and just started, blankly.

He was a lot different from his usual morning clinginess when he wrapped himself around you, not letting you get up.

"Get out your phone," Harry told you, the tone of his voice made you do it quickly. His tone wasn't mad but upset or a little hurt. You quickly pulled out your phone from your pyjama shorts and waited for his instruction. "Go on Twitter." That sent your head racing, Twitter had always been a wild place of quick-spreading news and all you could think about was what was written about you and Harry.

Lily never crossed your mind.

Harry watched you for a few minutes while you looked through the stream of tweets. "Oh, shit." Finally, you snapped up to meet Harry's eyes again. "This is really, really bad."

"I know," Harry stated, patting the seat next to him so you sat down beside him. "It started with an article on the Daily Mail with a photo of me and Lily from last night, you know when I was carrying her to the car?" You nodded at that. "I didn't even realise anyone was there and I think it was posted after we went to bed. Then, like most things about me, it blew right up on Twitter this morning in the UK before it was morning over here. Pretty much the whole world was tweeting about it before we woke up."

"It would be good if your fans slept." You joked, trying to lighten the mood.

He chuckled a little. "It's the top trending hashtag. The press is going insane and management have flipped out. I'm not even sure what the fans are thinking, maybe mad or confused or even happy."

Harry dropped his head into his hands and left his phone on the couch beside him. It was still unlocked and you could see more tweets flooding in. If you spent the whole day reading the tweets that were already tweeted, you wouldn't finish reading them for the whole day.

Something like the was bound to happen, Lily looked exactly like Harry so it wasn't hard to put two and two together, but you thought you'd have a few more months. Especially last night because you hadn't seen anyone who even looked interested in who Harry was.

"I'm really sorry, Haz. I know that was not how you wanted it to come out and it's not how I wanted it to come out either." You told him as you wrapped your arms around him, desperately trying to console him.

"I have to do an interview on Wednesday, you know, trying to explain it all. Until then please promise me something." Harry informed you and you nodded, anything he wanted you would agree to. "Please don't look at Twitter until it's all sorted. Or Instagram." He told you and you nodded in agreement.

"Okay, but you're also on a ban." You told him, knowing people would be saying worse about you but you hardly wanted him to see all the bad things that were being said about him.

"I promise." He agreed, before getting up. "I should go, though, got lots of music stuff to do." He told you as he walked to the door, you followed and waited for him to put his shoes on.

"I'll miss you." You told him before he spun around. His hands were instantly on your waist, yours moving to his chest. He kissed your lips for a few seconds, giving you the same electric feeling you always get around him.

He smiled once he pulled away. "I'll miss you more, baby. And I'll call you later." He left you standing there, wondering how wrong it was all about to get.

~

You woke up on Wednesday, hoping that it was all a bad dream. The worry was almost as bad as Monday. It was made worse by the fact Harry wasn't there. However, the little voice jumping on your bed urged you to get up.

"Mummy, mummy, get up." Lily cheered as she jumped on your bed making you sigh. Sleep-ins were a rarity in your house but no matter what you were grateful to get up to the little girl.

Rolling over to face her you opened your arms so she could fall into them. You placed a kiss on her head and inhaled her smell, it was something you never wanted to forget.

"Are you excited to get your nails done?" You ask her and she nodded quickly. She had been talking about it since you told her what was happening.

"I'm getting pink, remember." She told you excitedly, it wasn't her favourite, yellow was but she was decided.

After breakfast and you both got changed, Lily was in the car with you as you drove to the nail salon. Your nerves were getting worse as you got closer but you arrived 7 minutes early, also 7 minutes before Harry's interview. Thankfully a radio interview limited the face to face contact Harry could have with an interviewer. However, it was live which meant no editing.

"Gem!" Lily said as she saw Gemma. You could tell from dinner that they had clicked. Lily loved listening to her tease Harry and their personalities were a lot alike.

"Lily!" Gemma replied as she picked her up and hugged her. They really looked a lot alike and the few baby photos you could remember of her as a child rendered them identical.

They hugged and you gave Anne a hug. "I'm so sorry about what happened with the press." She whispered and you smiled at the fact that after so much time she still cared enough to say something. It was an ode to how close Harry and Anne were.

"It sucks, but Harry's interview is in a few minutes so hopefully it'll get cleared up." You told her and she nodded. You doubted it would but a little social media cleanse was nice.

Soon after you hugged Gemma who only said, "It'll be alright," to which you nodded, knowing, in the end, it would be.

There was a little bit of resentment towards the press because you wanted to be able to tell the world on your terms.

The nail bar was nice, modern and sleek. Unlike Lily's bold neon pink, you went for a plain white which you figured looked best with summer outfits. Summer was a very exciting idea, having all that time to spend with Harry and Lily.

Once your nails were done Gemma and Anne insisted that you and Lily came with them to lunch, which you gratefully agreed to. It was an incredible feeling to be fitting back into their family after so long apart and you were thankful they were so accepting.

You could tell Anne was itching to talk to you, a more nervous silence falling over the atmosphere. As soon as you got to the restaurant and ordered Anne made Gemma take Lily to the park across the road to play. There was an odd mix of gratitude and fear you were feeling.

"Did you know the first night Harry told me that he had Lily, I was over at his place and I just started crying?" She started and you shook your head before she continued her story. "I was mad at him, so upset with the whole situation but I felt a lot of sympathy for you both. I wouldn't tell him this but you went through worse, raising her all alone which is why I was mad at Harry. I don't know all the details of your breakup but I feel for him when he was in that state." She continued while you nodded, out of all of her qualities she was so emotionally intelligent. "I wanted to talk to you, but he wouldn't let me."

"I know." You said, there was still the unresolved guilt you felt. Anne had an amazing granddaughter she hadn't met until a long time after your parents had met her. But thankfully Anne was much smarter than to be jealous. "I wish you guys had met her before now." She could tell it was the truth. "I even wish I stayed with Harry or went back to tell him or just anything that didn't lead to today."

Anne wasn't going to let you take the fall. "I've never blamed you for what you did. I still blame him for driving you away but I know how hard it was for him." It was nice to pour your heart out to someone who was so neutral despite hearing her son's grief for years.

"It's nice to have someone else to talk to about this." You smile over at her and she returns it.

"Mummy!" A small voice called and Lily came walking over, hand in hand with Gemma. They were both wearing the same famous Styles smirk.

"Hey, how was the park?" You asked her, just before your phone started ringing. Embarrassed, you pulled it out to put it on silent but your eyes glanced at the name.

Harry <3

You look around at everyone else. "It's Harry."

"Take it," Anne told you quickly. "It'll be important or he'd text." She definitely knew him very well. Gemma nodded, taking her seat next to Anne while Lily sat next to you and coloured her colouring book.

"Thanks." You smiled, answering the call as you walked away to somewhere quieter. "Hey." You spoke into the phone.

"Baby." Harry's low voice came over the phone, making a shiver come over your spine. "Did you hear my interview?" He's quick to ask.

By now you had pushed open the doors and you were standing outside. Thankfully the wind wasn't too cold on your skin. There was a little park bench near the restaurant where you sat, phone to your ear. "No, how did it go?"

"It was okay. They asked about Lils, obviously. How old she was, you know the general stuff." You could tell there was something off in his voice, something he wasn't telling you so you didn't reply until he spilt the beans. "Then there was some personal questions about what happened between me and you and why Lily was never known to anyone." He continued, getting quieter.

"Are you alright though?" Even if you didn't want to hear the answer, you had to ask.

"Yeah, I am. I think it's good the story has been set straight. It's going to be better now though and I'm excited to talk you all out without the paparazzi finding out." The air felt lighter, and if you could see yourself you'd see how much more relaxed you looked.

You nodded before realising he couldn't see you. "I mean they'll still probably going to write some terrible stories."

"Yes, and maybe don't go on social media or those celebrity gossip websites, my team is still saying they're still slamming me." His tone was an indicator he was hurt about it, which made you hurt because this whole situation was partly your fault.

"I'm sure they're slamming me too." You laugh, unreciprocated.

His pause was an acknowledgement of his agreement. "Don't want you to get upset, so please don't."

"I should go, we're having lunch." You tell him, thinking back to who you left inside.

"Yeah, how's it all going though?" He asked, still wanting to talk.

"It was really fun, we're had our nails done, we talked a bit and now we're at lunch."You tell him and you can almost see him nod.

"Ooo, anything about me?" He asked quickly, he seemed back to his normal self.

"Hmm, maybe. Is there anything else?" You asked him.

"Can I come over later? I don't really know how this works." He sighs, it made you giggle a little bit about his shyness.

You thought about it for a second before you replied. "I think it works like it used to when we didn't live together but we might as well have been." You confirmed, only imagining his smile.

"Right, so I come over, we have sex, go to sleep and then have some more sex." His crude comments made your eyes widen.

"Harry Edward Styles, I meant you can come over whenever you'd like but maybe I'll retract that." You smirked to yourself as you heard him sigh.

"Okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I should also go but don't forget who's name you'll be screaming tonight."

There was no point in trying to reprimand him now. "I'll see you later." You said as you ended the phone call. It made you feel warm inside, as cliché as it was, knowing you'd be the one he fell asleep next to made everything seem better.

You walked the few metres back into the restaurant and talk a seat down at the table. Quickly you realised how long you had been on the phone with Harry.

All Lily, Anne and Gemma looked up at you. "What happened?" Anne was quick to ask.

"He just wanted to talk to me about the I-N-T-E-R-V-I-E-W." You spelt out so Lily remained unaware of what was going on. Not that she seemed to be paying attention to what was going on, she was still colouring.

"Oh, did he say how it went?" Gemma pipped up. She was always curious, that was something you learnt when you dated Harry all those years ago and she was asking how everything was going. Not that you minded it.

You nodded. "He said it was good to get it all out but the media and fans are still in a bit of a frenzy so he's said no social media for me." You let out a sigh, being in mock frustration.

"He's very sweet when he's in love." Gemma didn't even realise the words she was saying until they came out, that was when your eyes widened.

"Gemma," Anne growled, stopping her from talking about how much Harry loved you with a disappointed head tilt. You found it hard to keep the thoughts from racing after that. Did Harry love you? Did you love him? Did his feeling from all those years come back? Had it been long enough?

You hoped the answer was 'yes' but your mind forced some rationalisation. When you first told Harry you loved him you had only been together for 2 months and you had almost been dating him for 3 now. Maybe it was more innocent now.

After what Gemma said, the conversation slowed down a bit but by the time lunch was over you were on top of the world. Everything finally felt like it had fallen into place.

[dollymadness]

｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡

ﾟ。Yuu Nishinoya as a boyfriend; ⌂ᶜᵒᵐᶠᵒʳᵗ ˢᵖᵒᵗ

ﾟ･｡･

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ [mostly soft hcs 💗]

𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐬; ♡︎

he likes going out on adventures, such as theme parks, going to the other side of the town just to buy a specific flavour of icecream or even going to the beach.

also "sit on my lap and paint my nails" dates — he likes his nail polish on colorful and bright tones

takes you on food dates, but, as already said, he appreciates a good challenge. So yes, you're going out to eat, but you will have buy the burgerking sandwich... the milkshake will be from mcdonalds. His drink? He wants a starbucks size large. Oh, and don't forget his chicken kfc steaks and, if the time allows. some fini from any random store.

walking without direction, letting the wind lead you, also looks like a pretty good date for him.

𝐭𝐞𝐱𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠; ♥︎

snaps you with the funniest pics ever (and he really put effort on every single one).

audios that go up to 3 minutes, half of it being him trying to remember what he was talking about

audios laughing (long audios laughing)

you two have the "emoji of the week" thing — mostly because he likes copying you 🦖

he is always writing all incorrectly, not only because he is already bad at grammar, but also cause he's always so excited to talk to you, even when it's about the smallest things. — "BWBE LOOJ AT THIS, OMF PLD IN CRYUNG" — when he is nervous is kinda of a guessing game.

Nishinoya is a morning person, which means you'll always wakeup with a cute, romantic message of good morning. ALWAYS.

"gooood morning to the best s/o in the world AKA YOUU!! 😽 ilysm, you know that? I miss u aaAAGSGSHSHSHSEH

now, go eat a healthy breakfast (send me a pic, bc i don't believe you 👀) and drink water. text me when you're on the mood to talk, hope you have an amazing day! 😍🥰"

he loves a good gossip... the type that tag you on twitter threads, and right after call you to comment about "the TEA"

𝐬𝐨𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐦𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐚; ♡︎

Nishinoya is your biggest fan. He will never scroll to your photos without leaving at least 10 comments.

interacts so much on your twitter, he replys every tweet you make and tag you on every thing he think is barely funny or romantic.

he founds acting like a proud dad/grandpa hilarious, so everytime he posts you, the captions look like this: GOOD MORNING TO ALL OF MY INSTAGRAM FRIENDS!!! ☀️🌻 I LOVE MY #PARTNER @/yn ☺️😳😍🥰😼😽💖 THANK YOU FOR TODAY, BEAUTIFUL. #happy #couplegoals

(obs: the hashtags are part of the fun)

tiktok addicted + tags you on everything. astronomy posts "@/yn look the libra one BAAHHAAGAHAHGSGSHSJA",

couple posts "@/yn lets?",

cute cats "AWWWWWW 🥺 @/yn tagging you bc it made me so happy!"

and all art/edits posts he sees on his fyp.

secret owner of a fan account for you.

𝐩𝐮𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐜 𝐝𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐚𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧; ♥︎

he loves it.

always doing one of this two:

1. holding you pinky with his.

2. grabbing your waist.

as he love language is words of affirmation, he enjoys screaming compliments for you, in front of everyone and without a single drop of shame.

loves sitting on your lap (again, this is all in front of other people).

𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐬; ♡︎

babe = his usual, also uses it a lot when he is whining about something.

m'lady/m'lord/m'noble = is the first thing he adress when he gets to see you. — "Hi, m'lady." He reaches to kiss your hand.

beautiful = uses it to catch your attention

love of my life = this he uses most on social media "loml"

teddybear/kitty = only when he is needy

sir · ma'am/master/ur highness · majesty/my owner = you know for when this fits...

𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐦 𝐬𝐨𝐟𝐭 𝐡𝐜𝐬; ♥︎

he is the one stealling your clothes, always taking your jacket in the first opportunity.

he created your family on the sims and got all excited about it: "look how our son will be!"

he gives you little """love"''" letters:

"my dearly loved,

your ass looks good today! :)

sign: me"

call him Yuu JEALOUSY Nishinoya, because he will freak out everytime another man gets a little close to you and he will speak his mind.

does little origamis for you.

he is so into being a house husband, already a pro on doing house stuff since he has 3 sisters that he would never on earth let do any of the chores. On this topic, Nishinoya is a gentleman.

𝐍𝐒𝐅𝐖; ꨄ︎

submisse!! ; sub ; SUbmissive ★ ; SUB!!! ; s u b ★

experimentalist — he will take anything you feel like giving him.

he believes that is his his job to worship your whole body, no matter how it looks. He places kisses, licks and bites every single part of you (which implict means that he has a feet/hand kink)

still on the body worship topic, he loves eating you up — without nothing in return. — he is in love with how you taste, he will always swallow and thank you for letting him feel you

maid dress ★

he will curl and kiss your boots with passion, everything that resonates with you deserves devotion.

he is SO loud, moaning even for the smallest move.

impact play - again, he will take anything and everything.

overstimulating and cum denying — he just likes being pushed to the edge.

me and my husband, we are doing better; ♡︎

[thebardisabird]

I totally understand what you’re talking about, Anonym, no worries. I can pretty easily put this into a quick headcanon-y thing for you! Please be warned there will be very dark themes here, mainly death.  A scenario of each matsu having a pretty effed up nightmare, UNDER THE CUT!

He dreams of searching the whole town for you, fear and frantic energy surrounding him. You had called him on your way to the train to come home from work...but that was hours ago. Akatsuka had been turned upside down in his searching, only for it to abruptly end at the darkness of an alleyway, and your body laying in it. Osomatsu pulls you into his lap with haste, cradling the lifeless face of the person he loved against him. He couldn’t hold back the scream his dream self let out, and it carried into the real world as he shot upright from the couch. The sound of thumping scurried to where he was and there you stood, alive, well, and deeply concerned at his shouting.  “What’s wrong?!” you said, hand on your chest.  He realized he was panting, heart racing as the haze from him just waking up slowly fades. 

“Ah...” he starts, looking around the room, “N-Nothing. Nothing, babe. I just had a nightmare I lost a pachinko game, that’s all.”  He didn’t have the heart to really tell you what shook him because he’d rather forget it. 

------ Karamatsu walks into your shared home, only to be draped in darkness. A chill crept down his spine, something was wrong. He scoured through the house, hoping to find you somewhere safe and sound. But oh...oh was he far off. At the end of the hallway, your hand was outstretched - still and unmoved by his presence. He dashed to the room you were in,  “My hunny?! What hap-”  Gone. You were gone. Your body limp on the cold floor, a pool of red underneath you. Before Karamatsu could act, his vision went black.  Suddenly his eyes snapped open, the soft light of the moon barely peeking past the blinds. His chest heaved with sorrow, but his fingers recognized the softness of the sheets beneath him. He was...in bed? Immediately his eyes traveled to where you’d lay next to him, and thank Akatsuka-sensei there you were, soundly asleep. You were safe, you were here. Karamatsu brought a hand to his chest to will away any residual anxiety from that awful nightmare.  “They’re alive...” he sighed to no one. He slipped slowly back under the covers and tried to fall back asleep.  ---- A spring in his step, Choromatsu made his way back home from the konbini. He’d promised to meet you in front of his parents’ place so you could go to the shopping district together and he didn’t want to be a minute late. The joy of being able to spend time with you was quickly ruined as an ambulance whirred right by him at an alarming speed. He nearly cursed the vehicle until he realized,  Wait...that’s going toward his house!  His walk immediately became a sprint as he chased the ambulance to its destination. Unfortunately for him, he was all too correct - a scene of police, pedestrians, and now the ambulance surrounding a few figures in front of his home. Choromatsu moved to approach, only to have his arm hooked by none other than his mother (who was actively fighting back a sob), “Choro sweetie, don’t...You shouldn’t...” His face dropped, he was desperately trying to yank out of her grasp now,  “Let me go, Mom, please! I need to...!” “Choromatsu, don’t! Please! You can’t!”  But it was too late. He caught a glimpse of the EMT’s picking up your limp figure and onto the stretcher. Eyes wide, he stilled. Matsuyo let out her cries now. You were...you were... “NO!” he shouted, rolling off the bed and onto the floor. The thud fully woke him. He patted his chest for some reason, “That wasn’t real?!” and then it him, that wasn’t real. His realization was reaffirmed at the sound of you popping out of the bathroom, a towel over your head.  “Huh...? Choro, what’s wrong? Why are you on the floor?”  A few tears stung his eyes to see you safe and sound, “I just woke up too fast aha...don’t worry, I’m okay.” You laughed gently at the sight of him, and god did he cherish that sound right now, “Well get up, silly, I’ll make us breakfast, okay?”  He couldn’t have asked for anything better.  ------- Ichimatsu’s dream doesn’t last very long. The idea of him not having you terrifies him. It starts with him seeing you at the shoreside cliff, smiling wistfully at him - next thing he knows, you’re gone. The dread that fills him instantly startles him awake, and he instead is greeted to the sight of you reading at the kotatsu. You look over to him, a pained expression on his face.  “Ichi hunny, are you okay? Did you have a bad dream...?”  He’s irritated that you read him like a book, but he that melts away when you move to run your fingers through his hair and instead...he cries.  “I...I t-thought I lost you,” he blubbers. He must’ve been really horrified, and it tugs at your heartstrings to see him so disturbed by a nightmare. You curl up next to him, wrapping your arms around him and pulling him close. The next 10 minutes or so are spent comforting him and reaffirming that you’re okay and here with him.  ------- For Jyushimatsu, it’s a matter of immediately bursting into tears. He finds you next to him in bed - but you’re not moving. He tries everything to wake you, but nothing seems to work. Shouting, shaking you, even spraying your face with water - nothing works. It isn’t until his hand wraps around your wrist and feels how chillingly cold you are that he realizes. His trademarks smile drops, his vision grows increasingly blurry... And then he wails. Wails his heart out. So much so, that it is instead you trying to wake him. When he finally does, he sees your concerned look through his multiple tears and like magic, pop! His grin finds its way back to his face. Those noodle-like arms come around you instantly,  “You’re okay! You’re okay!”  You laugh at his words, “Of course, Jyushi, why wouldn’t I be....?”  He explains his awful dream to you and suddenly it all makes sense. Just to reassure him, you kiss his cheek. He giggles, feeling much better knowing none of what just happened was actually real.  ------- Todomatsu’s horror comes in the form of Facebook posts with your name in a hashtag. At first he was confused, until your best friend had written this long winded post about your friendship, all the memories you shared, how much they’d miss you... Wait...WHAT!?  Todomatsu screeched in agony at the words, and he frantically went to text you. When no reply came, he tried to call you...no answer. No...No this couldn’t be right. He literally spoke to you that morning...what happened?! A million things wracked his brain, but he found no real answer. Then it came - the realization that you were gone. The grief hit him like a freight train, so much so that he dropped his phone. A clanking noise echoed in his ears, he shut his eyes, and then pried them open.  With a deep breath he was home, sprawled across the couch, phone collapsing to the floor.  “What?! What was-” he shouted, realizing he was actually awake now.  It was just a dream...just...a dream.  “Totty!” he heard you call suddenly from the next room. His head lifted at your voice, relief sweeping into his nervous limbs. You peeked your head into the room, “Totty, they have a BOGO sale at the café we like, wanna go?”  All he could do was stare. Your head tilted at his blank stare, trying to read his expression, “You...okay?”  Todomatsu snapped out of his thoughts, “O-Oh! Yes! Let’s go!” You missed him rubbing the tears out of his eyes as he sprang up to join you. 

[jbbarnesnnoble]

Hello lovely humans!

I’ve recently hit the 500 follower milestone and want to celebrate with another challenge! This time, dark fics are welcome! 

I have a lot of prompts here and what doesn’t get used will probably be put aside for a future challenge. I like to make sure there is a wide array of prompts to be chosen from and tend to go overboard. Whoops. 

The Rules: 

1. Use the hashtag #JBBNN500 

2. Dark fics are welcome - Just be sure to utilize trigger warnings and indicate that it is a dark fic. 

3. Even if you aren’t writing a dark fic, use trigger warnings if the content warrants it. If you write something that has heavier themes, like those that delve into mental health topics, be sure to label it appropriately. 

4. Selecting Prompts: Just let me know which one you want to do! 2 people per prompt! Tell me which subheading and the number of the prompt so I can mark it down! If it’s a lyric prompt, please give me the song and the number! 

5. You don’t have to be following to participate! 

6. Deadline: January 11, 2021

Yes, I’m giving about 3 months for this. January 11 also happens to be my birthday, so I figured that would be a good date to choose. 

The subheadings are: dialogue prompts, sentence prompts, quotes from popular media, and song lyrics!

Find the prompts under the cut! 

Dialogue Prompts

“Life is made up of maybes and regrets. I don’t want this to be one of them.”

“You can’t do this. It’s my choice to make, and mine alone. If you don’t agree with it, the door is there. Feel free to use it.”

“I used to be afraid of the dark, you know. Until I learned that the real monsters thrive in the light.” 

“So, what you’re saying is if I gave you a nickel, you’d do it.”

“No, I don’t know how the cheese got there, and honestly, I don’t think I want to know.” 

“You’re sounding more like a cult leader every time you open your mouth. Don’t think I’ll be accepting any Flavor Aid from you anytime soon.” 

“How did you...you know what, I’m going to forget I saw a thing, and go read a book. Or bathe in Holy Water. Or both. Both is good.” 

“If you say one more word I swear--” “One more word” “I hate you” 

“You can’t come in here singing my favorite song and expect forgiveness, that’s not how this works!”

“No. You mean nothing to me. You never did. You never will.” 

“But if it did, it would work and you can’t convince me otherwise.” 

“You are simultaneously the smartest and least intelligent person I have ever meant. Truly, an amazing accomplishment.” @bonkywobble​

“Next thing you’re going to say is that ghosts are real...please tell me that’s a joke” 

“All I’m saying is, I could do that blindfolded.” 

“But why was there pizza on the ceiling?” 

“If you write me a four thousand word essay on why you think that’s a good idea, then sure.” 

“I didn’t think you were serious. Do you know how illegal this is?!” 

Sentence Prompts

Feel free to change the pronouns used to suit your needs, even if they aren’t bracketed! You can also change the tense if you need to! 

The January rain fell, feeling like razors against [your/her/their] skin as [you/she/they] stared out over the horizon.

This was it, the moment where life as [you/she/they] knew it ended.

 [His/her/their] gaze fell on [her/you], like a lion circling its prey. 

You never thought that it would come to this, come to being the one to end it all. 

You took a moment to calculate [his/her/their] next move, figuring out the perfect counter. 

Hanging by your ankles from a tree was most definitely not how you planned on spending your Saturday. 

Glancing around the room at the decor, one thing was obvious: it was [his/her/their] doing. 

Hurt was the only thing you felt, the only thing you could cling to in this abyss.

Lies, it had all been lies and they were crumbling around you. 

The screech of tires on the pavement sent a shiver down your spine.

He/She used to love this time of year, the beauty of it all. 

It was like climbing Everest: ambitious, dangerous, and maybe a little insane. 

Forgiveness was not something you were willing to offer so freely, not this time. 

Chaos may as well have been the code name of this mission. @nekoannie-chan​

Silence was your new best friend, one that never seemed to leave you alone.

That smile, that smile was something you could get used to waking up to every day. 

Your face twisted in disgust as you realized what you had fallen into.

You were beginning to wish you had taken [him/her/them] up on that trip to Madrid. 

Quotes from Popular Media:

With these prompts specifically, you can use the full thing, paraphrase, etc, since some of them are quite long, or just write something based off an idea it sparks. 

“There are so many stories where some brave hero decides to give their life to save the day, and because of their sacrifice, the good guys win, the survivors all cheer, and everybody lives happily ever after. But the hero... never gets to see that ending. They'll never know if their sacrifice actually made a difference. They'll never know if the day was really saved. In the end, they just have to have faith. Ain't that a bitch.” -Epsilon, Season 13, Red vs Blue 

“We're so arrogant, aren't we? So afraid of age, we do everything we can to prevent it. We don't realize what a privilege it is to grow old with someone. Someone who doesn't drive you to commit murder or doesn't humiliate you beyond repair.” - Daniel, P.S I Love You 

“After centuries of men looking at my tits instead of my eyes and pinching my ass instead of shaking my hand, I now have the divine right to stare at a man's backside with vulgar, cheap appreciation if I want to!” - Denise, P.S. I Love You

“Life isn't just death. Don't ignore the living.” - Vada Sultenfuss, My Girl

“Life's full of barbaric customs. But I hope they all end with a kiss like that.” - Vada Sultenfuss, My Girl 

"You're a little scary sometimes, you know that? Brilliant ... but scary." - Ron Weasley, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone 

"It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends." - Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone 

"I’ll be in my bedroom, making no noise and pretending I’m not there." - Harry Potter, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets 

“Sweetie, this is one of those times when I know what's right and everybody else is confused.” - Angela Montenegro, Bones, Season 3 

“Oh, God. I'm in the middle of something, aren't I? Oh, look! Dead guy!” - Cam Saroyan, Bones, Season 5

“Don’t make it sound trivial when you know it isn’t. You keep talking about how we just need a little more time, but you’re not the one having to struggle.” -Nora, RWBY, Volume 7

“It's called survival. But I forgot, you two at best are functional morons.” - Crowley, Supernatural, Season 5, Episode 10

“I once had to judge a tighty-whitey contest for Lambda Kappa Pi. Trust me, I can handle anything.” - Elle Woods, Legally Blonde 

“How were we supposed to know? It's not like we run background checks on all her boyfriends.” - Kathryn Kennish, Switched at Birth

“Don’t try to get on my good side. I no longer have a good one” - Ouiser, Steel Magnolias 

“I would rather have thirty minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special.” - Shelby, Steel Magnolias 

“You have the handwriting of a serial killer” - Clairee, Steel Magnolias 

“I didn’t know if you would hire someone who might be married to someone who may or may not be a criminal” - Annelle, Steel Magnolias 

Lyric Prompts

What Do You Think Of - Lauren Alaina ft. Lukas Graham

What do you think of when you think of me?

When you look back on us what do you see? Is it the good times, is it the bad times, is it somewhere in between? 

I can’t even drive down 8th Avenue because the whole damn town reminds me of you

Hurts to Know - 1551

But you stayed when I made another promise to keep

And you waited and waited for the life you saw in your dreams 

You walk in and begin to try to heal me again, but each night is a fight that’s getting harder to win.

Sick - 1551

Everyone I meet feels like another target

I’m feeling sick, I’m feeling twisted, I wasn’t home before this feeling existed 

I never knew that wrong could feel so right

seven - Taylor Swift

Sweet tea in the summer, cross your heart won’t tell no other, and though I can’t recall your face, I still got love for you

Passed down like folk songs, the love lasts so long

I think your house is haunted, your dad is always mad and that must be why 

We’ll hide in the closet, and just like a folk song, our love will be passed on 

the last great american dynasty - Taylor Swift

How did a middle class divorcee do it? 

The wedding was charming, if a little gauche 

And they said “There goes the last great American dynasty. Who knows if she never showed up what could have been.” 

epiphany - Taylor Swift 

With you I serve, with you I fall down 

Something med school did not cover

And some things you just can’t speak about 

Chapters - Brett Young

Chapter one, I was raised on the Dodgers 

There’s no perfect life, you can’t hold back time

Everybody expecting perfection 

Things change in the blink of an eyelid, guess my body knew way more than I did

The Daughters - Little Big Town

Girl, know your place, be willing and able 

Girl, watch your mouth and watch your weight

Pose like a trophy on a shelf, and dream for everyone but not yourself

I wash the dishes, feed the kids, and clean up all this mess, do my best, forgive myself, and look good in this dress

It Won’t Always Be Like This - Carly Pearce 

I remember how I couldn’t wait to get out of my hometown, now I’m looking for every excuse to go back on the weekend

I remember hearing the door slam, twenty-two, didn't have a clue who I was, who I could trust, and who were my real friends

The heart won’t ache forever, no matter how hard it gets, it won’t always be like this

Next Girl - Carly Pearce 

You overlook a lot when he looks like that

He’ll charm your mama with that smile, hide the red flags for a while 

He’ll make you think it’s love, but I promise you it’s not 

Bar Back - Lauren Alaina 

You can have that coffee shop we went on our first date

I’ll give you back that sweatshirt, that one you know I love

I’m taking back that little hole in the wall, the red door sign saying “come on in y’all”

If I Was a Beer - Lauren Alaina

Honey you’re in luck, ‘cause I’m a fine, fine, wine. I’m a slow sweet pour, I can be a little bitter, but I ain’t a hard hitter, like a 30 from the grocery store

Waiting for Superman - Daughtry

She says “he’s still coming, just a little bit late” 

She’s talking to angels, counting the stars, making a wish on a passing car

If life was a movie, then it wouldn’t end like this 

Before You Go - Lewis Capaldi

When you hurt under the surface, like troubled water running could, well time can heal but this won’t

Before you go, was there something I could have said to make your heart beat better?

Our every moment, I start to replay, but all I can think about is seeing that look on your face  @arrowsandmixtapes​ 

Hard to Forget - Sam Hunt

It's kinda funny how I can't seem to get away from you, it's almost like you don't want me to

You’ve got a cold heart and the cold hard truth

Told me to leave all your things out on the porch on the swing

Oh you’re breaking my heart, baby you’re playing hard to forget 

This is It - Scotty McCreery

You can open your eyes

Can’t you see forever 

On top of the world here together

If there ever was a time for a perfect kiss, this is it 

Wish You’d Miss Me - Chase Wright

I was good for you, you were bad for me 

I was solid ground, you were broken wings 

I gave you love you gave me pain

You gave me hell, I gave you grace 

I knew all along that you were gonna leave 

What a Man Gotta Do - Jonas Brothers

I’m not trying to be your part time lover, sign me up for that full time @unnuevosoltransformalarealidad​

This Feeling - Chainsmokers ft. Kelsea Ballerini 

I lay out all my reasons you say that I need help

They tell me think with my head, not that thing in my chest

They got their hands at my neck this time 

I tell you all my secrets and you tell all your friends 

Hold onto your opinions and stand by what you say 

What Are You Gonna Tell Her - Mickey Guyton 

She thinks life is fair 

But what are you gonna tell her when she’s wrong?

What are you gonna tell her when she figures out that all this time you built her up just so the world could let her down? 

Do you tell her not to fight? 

Can you look her in the face and promise her that things will change? 

[frickyeahfanfic]

THE CAPTIVE (part 9)

(part 8) (part 10)

(part 1)

Armitage Hux x Reader

Word Count: 1.2k

Warnings: spicy mami,,, nothing y’all can’t handle

Summary: hux is bipolar and you are hashtag worried

author’s note: long wait who? also no spoilers for tros

________________

After about a week, you were able to walk on your leg. The healing process was unusually quick, thanks to the technology the First Order had. You guessed it was only to benefit the armies of troopers they had, to get them back on their feet and ready for combat quickly. 

Hux hadn’t returned since his last visit and the time between was like waiting for grass to grow. You waited for the droids to finally release you, and after the last scan on your leg, you got all dressed in uniform and marched to Hux’s office. A few passing officers eyed you suspiciously, perhaps they had caught wind of the current scandal between you and the General, but none stopped you in your path. 

Before you could punch in the security code and march through the door, a hiss sent you stumbling back and you were face to face with a less tired-looking Hux. He was startled that anyone was at his office without permission and even more startled that it was you, standing up perfectly fine on your feet. 

“Kriff, get inside,” he tugged your wrists and pulled you into his office, ignoring the yelp that escaped from your lips. The door shut behind you with a loud hiss, locking the two of you in the room together.  

“Language, General!” You scoffed. 

“I didn’t expect you to be healed so soon,” he defended himself. 

You rolled your eyes. “We need to talk.”

“You need to get back to work. You’re behind.”

You furrowed your brow. “Hux.”

He stood hovering over you, eyes locked with yours. You were quite damaged after the crash on Hoth, but now after you had some food in your system, your hair was brushed out and your wounds were patched up, Hux could only think about how beautiful you were. Take away your past affiliations with the rebel scum, and you were perfect in his eyes. 

“The kiss? Did you forget about that? And what about the whole ‘father’ thing you went on about? I certainly didn’t forget that,” you rambled, trying to snap him out of his trance. 

“I’m sorry,” Hux interjected. 

This put your ramblings to a halt. “For… what?”

He placed a gloved hand on your shoulder. “For the confusion. I should have made it more clear.”

You opened your mouth tried to clarify what he was saying, but his hand on your shoulder tugged you in fast and he cut you off with his lips, using his other hand to brace himself against the door behind you. You closed your eyes in pleasure, slipping your hands around his neck. He stepped closer, effectively pinning you against the door. 

You had longed for this moment, maybe even had fantasized it a few times, but never in a million lightyears thought it would come to pass. 

His lips moved down along your jawline and around to your neck, finding a sweet spot right below your ear, kissing hard. 

“Isn’t this,” you gasped when he bit down harder, “strictly against protocol?”

He muttered into your ear slowly. “If you’re a lower-ranking officer, then yes, but no one has to know.”

Your hands clenched his greatcoat tightly as he went back to your neck, his hips pressing ever so harder towards you. “Are you sure no one knows? What if they’ve put security cameras in your office?”

He stopped abruptly and removed his hands from your now tousled hair. “They would face severe punishments. And besides, they don’t have the code to my office and they could never have the code to my chambers.”

You blinked and your eyes went wide. “Chambers? Who ever said anything about chambers?”

His lips hovered just above yours. “I did. But we’ll get to that later. You’re behind on your work as of late.”

He stepped away and pointed to your desk, which you hadn’t seen in weeks. The computer inside was turned off and your datapad rested at the top corner, as if someone had placed it there carefully for your arrival. 

As you walked around the table, the general sat at his own desk, but his eyes lingered on you as if he had something to say. 

You caught his gaze and blushed slightly, if your face could get anymore flushed than it had before from your heated moment. “What?”

He smiled softly to himself, a rare sight. “It’s good to have you back, Lieutenant.”

“Good to be back, General.”

There was a knock at the door and you hurriedly turned on your datapad and clicked on the latest document, ignoring the general as he got up from his seat and answered the door. The chrome glint of Captain Phasma’s armor illuminated Hux’s face and you lifted your eyes cautiously to watch them mutter words between themselves. He nodded at something she said and as she turned to leave, the dark slits in her helmet lingered dangerously on you. 

He saw you watching her and he shook his head. “It’s nothing. I have a meeting with Snoke in a few minutes.”

“Does she know?”

Hux knew you were referring to the romance.  “Does it matter? I don’t understand why you are so stressed about it. Return to your work. If anything happens, I will deal with it.”

You blew a puff of frustrated air. “I’m stressed about it because I’m ex-resistance and I can assume anything about the First Order, it’s that this sort of mischief would not be tolerated!”

General Hux stomped over to your desk and slammed his gloved fist down on the table. This story was all too familiar with him. His father, having an affair with a lowly kitchen woman, thus creating Armitage Hux. But he wasn’t married and you were no kitchen lady. There was a murky parallel, but he could worry about it. There was no need for you to, after everything that you had been through. 

You slid a similarly gloved hand over his and watched the gears turn in his head. “I’m assuming this is what you meant when you mentioned your father.”

He drew his hand away and clamored back into his chair, leg bouncing uncontrollably as he tried to get his work done. You couldn’t help but stare at the man, trying to understand his somewhat bipolar behavior. You wanted to help him, but you didn’t know how to go about it. It was like skipping through a minefield. 

A chime emitted from both of your datapads and you leaned over to see what it was. 

“Meeting!” you both exclaimed, and he leaped out of his chair, throwing his greatcoat over his shoulders. 

You cleared your throat just as he was about to exit the door. His head darted back to you, waiting for instructions. 

“The meeting will probably go to 2300 hours, so I expect you to work until 2100 hours and meet me at my quarters promptly after my meeting.”

“Yes sir,” you replied, but he was already out of the room. You swallowed dryly at the thought of being in the General’s quarters so late at night. You had been there before, but under different circumstances.

Very different circumstances. 

_____________

MASTERLIST

taglist: @watercolour-sloth @indelwen-of-mirkwood @agirlinherhead @shameless-pope @alihosty @livy1391 @the-trash-potato @bloodlcst @legitlaur @thetrappednerd @sophiasescape @hoki-lokison @noiralei @huxismyman @ben-solo-deserved-better @goldenfrench 

[cindylouwho-2]

RECENT NEWS & STUDIES, late April 2019

Welcome to my latest summary of recent news & studies including search, analytics, content marketing, social media & ecommerce! This covers articles I came across from April 9th to May 2, although some may be older than that. 

I am really interested in hearing what you think of this new format - please leave a comment below, or convo, Tweet or email me through my website. Let’s make this as useful as possible! 

TOP NEWS & ARTICLES 

US Amazon sellers were told via email that they will have to pay taxes on some Amazon fees, as Etsy has been doing with sellers in the EU and in Quebec. 

The Instagram look may be dropping out of favour; apparently, reality is in. “Instagram museums and walls were built to allow normal people to take influencer-quality photographs—but they worked so well, those types of photos became common enough that they don’t resonate like they used to. “#unfiltered 

In case you missed it, my review of Etsy’s Spring & Summer Trends Guide, including all of the keyword data (which you do need to check out, as they reveal some interesting search info). 

ETSY NEWS

Etsy published a new census/survey of sellers in its 6 core countries, and also did a summary (if you don’t want to read the whole thing). “More than nine out of ten Etsy sellers (91%) are the sole owner of their businesses.”... “The majority (82%) of Etsy sellers would like to grow their business, but more than three out of five would not want to grow so big that they would have to hire more help.”

The bugs & errors with financial statements and records continue; Etsy botched the VAT statements yet again, even overwriting them all the way back to 2016. No word on whether any sellers have notified EU authorities on this yet. 

New seller handbook article covers advertising; not much new or gripping, but it does discuss general ad approaches, not just Etsy’s. 

There is also a new free shipping tool, in case you didn’t realize that Etsy wants more sellers to offer free shipping more often. “When we talk to shoppers during research, many say things like “I want to feel like I’m getting a deal!” and “I would love to see free shipping across the board, even if it meant increased prices.” Offering free shipping can be a great way to give customers like these the shopping experience they are looking for.”

CEO Josh Silverman participated in The Wall Street Journal’s “In the Elevator” interview series [video link]. Every 90 seconds, an engagement ring or wedding ring sells on Etsy. He also talks about free & fast shipping not always being a reasonable expectation when shopping on Etsy, unlike Amazon. 

Speaking of free shipping, a limited number of US customers will be getting it from Etsy, with Etsy reimbursing sellers for the costs. Non-US sellers and buyers get nothing. 

Etsy’s 2019 1st quarter results will be available May 8.

SEO: GOOGLE & OTHER SEARCH ENGINES 

Rand Fishkin released Part 5 of his Learn SEO in 1 Hour series: technical SEO [video & written transcript]. This is the one most of you can skip or just skim over, as it does talk a lot about coding.Some tips are important to everyone, however, like page linking/site structure (for websites), and having https set up. 

Part 6 covers link building, in 10 minutes. Remember, if you are going to put effort into getting links, do it for your website & not your Etsy shop or other marketplace page. If you are creating traffic, make sure you own it. 

Don’t forget looking beyond Google for your search engine traffic; this podcast [with written transcript] breaks down an approach to several of the biggest ones beyond Google. Spoiler: they only recommend worrying about the biggest, Bing, if you have around 1000 unique search visitors to your website per day. 

How to get keyword ideas from the Google search results: there’s a lot more available now, beyond the search bar suggestions. 

Google is asking local businesses if they would pay for their Google My Business listings. This possibility raises concerns about the impact on organic rankings. 

More SEO tips for Amazon, including discussion of the various factors involved.

If pages on your website aren’t indexed by Google, there are some steps you can take to fix them. (For websites only, not Etsy shops)

Advanced/semi-advanced content: Great tips on using bookmarklets in Chrome to get SEO things done quickly. (A lot of these involve tools that work best in the paid version, so I suspect most of us will not have much use for this, yet.)

Possible Google algorithm update last week. (I am seeing changes)

CONTENT MARKETING & SOCIAL MEDIA (includes blogging & emails) 

Looking for new hashtags for your social media accounts? Try: https://www.tagshitter.com  (apologies for the name; that’s what they call it. It’s good, too! Just like its regular keyword research partner, http://keywordshitter.com/ ) 

Email subject lines [infographic] are crucial to top interaction with your newsletter etc. Includes Dos & Don’ts, plus the shockingly low open rates in most industries. 

Selling through social media directly is a great way to avoid people losing interest as they keep clicking. Note that this seems to work best with items under $50, though, which they suggest solutions to in the next part of the article.  

Despite all the scandals and negative media coverage, US social media use hasn’t really changed in the past few years. “A 2018 Center survey found that some Facebook users had recently taken steps to moderate their use of the site – such as deleting the Facebook app from their phone or taking a break from the platform for some time. But despite these findings and amid some high profile controversies, Facebook users as a whole are just as active on the site today as they were a year ago.”

Facebook scandal watch:  FB’s “stock price jumped after it said it expects to incur a fine of up to $5 billion from the Federal Trade Commission. And that’s all you really need to know about whether the historically large penalty matters to the company.”

Also:

they admitted to asking for your email password then importing all of your contacts. “...Facebook disclosed to Business Insider that 1.5 million people's contacts were collected this way and fed into Facebook's systems, where they were used to improve Facebook's ad targeting, build Facebook's web of social connections, and recommend friends to add.”

The Canadian Privacy Commissioner is taking FB to court over breaches of Canadian privacy law. 

But hey, it’s all fine, because they beat earnings expectations in the first quarter. 

70% of YouTube videos watched are recommended by its algorithm. “ The recommendations are fueled by the artificial-intelligence arm, Google Brain, of YouTube’s parent company. The machine-learning models help identify videos that aren’t exactly what you just watched, but similar enough that you might like them.“

Does directing people to the link in your Instagram bio really work? Testing says that it probably doesn’t work for most accounts, and more importantly, that Instagram may be limiting the algorithm visibility of posts that direct visitors to the link in your bio. 

Twitter has now limited the number of accounts you can follow in 1 day, to 400 down from 1000; this is intended to cut back on spammers. 

US Twitter users are better educated & better off than the average American.(Good article for target market considerations)

ONLINE ADVERTISING (SEARCH ENGINES, SOCIAL MEDIA, & OTHERS) 

Amazon is reducing/removing the ads for its own products, possibly due to increased complaints of unfair competition. “Amazon is now the third-largest digital advertising platform, behind Google and Facebook”, and could grow 50% this year alone, based on projections. 

Facebook retargeting tips. And everything you need to know about the Facebook pixel for tracking your ad performance. 

STATS, DATA, OTHER TRACKING 

Some Google Analytics tips for websites - almost beginner level! 

The Google Search Console delays are nearly all fixed. 

Stats programs all give you different numbers, and that isn’t likely to improve. (This piece is semi-advanced; don’t bother with it if you aren’t a stats geek.)

ECOMMERCE NEWS, IDEAS, TRENDS 

eBay’s Spring Marketplace Updates include several back end changes and a fee increase for sellers who run afoul of eBay’s seller performance standards. 

Amazon sellers can buy so-called “black hat” services to beat its algorithms. These include tips from Amazon employees who are making money by reporting on Amazon’s inner workings. Amazon “also said it takes action against sellers who pay for internal information; penalties include terminating their selling accounts, deleting reviews, withholding funds, and taking legal action.” No doubt the company already has closed some of the loopholes discussed in the article.

Amazon also fires warehouse workers by algorithm, based on productivity. 

GoDaddy launches an ecommerce sharing tool that lets you list across multiple websites including your standalone. Current marketplace options include Etsy, Amazon, eBay, Jet & Walmart. They bought Sellbrite as part of this move. Quite a few different entities are releasing this type of service, so shop around if it is something you are interested in. 

eBay released their 1st quarter 2019 results on April 23. Total sales were down 4% from 2018 (they were close to even when currency fluctuations were accounted for), but eBay’s own income from seller fees was up. “eBay reduced their marketing by a significant amount where their cash was being used to effectively subsidise the sales of high value items. Put simply, eBay have been buying sales and now they’ve stopped and this has seen a reduction in high ticket items being sold in comparison to sales of lower value items.” Easter being later this year may have slowed ecommerce growth overall in the quarter. 

...but Amazon reported record revenue, up 16.9% over 2018. Despite that, analysts note that growth is slowing, & that Amazon’s own projections for the second quarter are lower than many predicted. “Amazon’s CFO Brian Olsavsky said during the call with analysts that part of the lower guidance is due to an $800 million investment in making free one-day delivery shipping the default for Prime members.” - if you thought buyers wanted stuff yesterday already, wait til this becomes the norm ... I mean, Walmart & Target stocks fell after the announcement. Walmart is already hinting at offering the same. 

You can return your Amazon purchases at Kohl’s in the US, starting everywhere in July. Ease of returns is going to be a bigger battleground in the next few years, as retailers continue to increase free & speedy shipping options. 

BUSINESS & CONSUMER STUDIES, STATS & REPORTS; SOCIOLOGY & PSYCHOLOGY, CUSTOMER SERVICE

Generation Z will be making 40% of US retail purchases by next year; they are going to change a lot about selling. “ Fair trade products, ethical business practices, and a strong mission statement have never been more essential. Vend reports, “Research has shown that this particular generation cares about various environmental issues (76% are concerned about humanity’s impact on the planet) as well as social causes such as racial, gender, and income inequality.” [Gen Z come after millennials, and are currently more numerous than millennials or boomers.] 

Millennials & Gen Z are big gift card buyers in the US - over 1/3 buy a card every 3 months. 

Brick & mortar stores & malls are using your phone location data (location analytics) to make marketing and product decisions. “Every company interviewed for this story said it chooses not to use information that could identify individuals. But for the most part they’re on an honor system because rules governing data remain relatively lax.” This surprised me: “To glean details, including an individual’s age, income, ethnicity, education level, number of children and more, firms connect the phone’s evening location with U.S. Census data”

MISCELLANEOUS 

US copyright law: the USSC rules that your copyright registration must be finished/approved before you can sue an infringer in federal court.  

If you hate Gmail’s current layout, you will love this Chrome extension. 

And if you use Google Sheets fairly often, you will likely learn something useful from these tips. 

Google’s parent company, Alphabet, missed industry revenue expectations in the first quarter of 2019. 

[houseofjoduk-blog]

Male Mental Health

"Would you miss me if I was gone tomorrow?"

That is a question many men in the United Kingdom are asking themselves this very moment. The biggest killer of adult males aged 50 and below is suicide. That upper age has increased from 40 to 50 over the past 5 years.

The question is simple...Why?

There seems to be...actually, forget that first bit. Let me start again.

THERE IS a long thought and expected way for adult males to act in British society as a whole. It is also a specific section of the adult male population as well. It has long been seen that straight white men are expected to be heads of the household, go out to work and provide for the family, and deal with all problems should they arise. They are also expected not to experience emotions as it is seen as a weakness. Add on to that the image projected on to all straight men of all skin colours and religions that they have to be strong and "man up" to all the bad in society.

This is not a blog making men out to be the vicitms. It is actually how things are in British society and how they have been for some time. Until recently, the only type of domestic violence was when a man beat his wife or girlfriend because society had this stereotype that women were weak and merely servant baby makers to the odious dominating man in the relationship. Think of the images portrayed in the recent TV Series "The Handmaid's Tale" and apparently to many people, that is what most men are like. Bastards. Evil. Violent misogynists.

But, in reality, there are many women out there who regularly beat and control their boyfriends and husbands. But due to the societal image of men having to be strong and domineering, so many men suffer in silence.

Yes, there are many women who have suffered in silence for decades and decades. But there have also been, and continue to be, many men who suffer in silence at the violent hands of women.

There has to be a change or the suicide rate amongst men in the United Kingdom will continue to climb year on year. Moment on moment.

There was a documentary on TV recently called "Stopping Male Suicide" and was presented by the long running BBC Horizon series. From the outside many people were shocked if you took 10 minutes to pop onto Twitter for starters. Eyes were opened. But that is simply one programme and there needs to be more. I see article after article, news piece after news piece, magazine feature after magazine feature and it focuses on either women or the males within the LGBT community.

I singled out the LGBT male community for the reason I know many will bring up about the suicide rate within the community due to hate crimes. These are regularly highlighted in the news and media in general. There is an official community so people can support each other. And rightly so.

I also singled out women for similar reasons. Again, there are many communities within the sisterhood. If we look at the hijacked #MeToo movement where the founder has commented how it has changed beyond recognition from how it started. I recently asked the #MeToo movement directly why they seemingly ignored Men in similar situations to women that they are seeking to highlight. I did not get a reply, but others asked the question and eventually the founder of #MeToo had to put out a statement when one of the female celebrity supporters of #MeToo (I use the word celebrity with tongue in cheek there as all actresses and actors and musicians etc are, are people having a career in the spotlight and being paid a lot of money for it. They are not idols. Not brilliant people. Look to the wonderful NHS Doctors and Nurses, the Police and Fire Brigade who put their lives on the line for us, the military who give their lives to protect us.) was accused of grooming and sexually abusing (technically rape under US law) an under age male actor. The founder said that #MeToo was there for males and females.

But it was a hollow statement.

Someone started a #MenToo hashtag, but Twitter ignored it and never gave it a little icon like the #MeToo hashtag has.

You see, that is the big problem that exists in British society (and American society), the straight man is seen as the big bad wolf. Every one of us. If you are a straight white adult male then it is even worse when you add in the #BlackLivesMatter community cause.

I have zero issues with people standing up for their beliefs. It is what I am doing right now. But what I have a problem with sections of society tarring other entire sections of society with the same brush instead of pointing out that not all men are bastards, not all women use men for their own benefit and then dispose of them when they become bored, that not all straight men see women as sex objects or not all black youths are going to rob you. There are many misconceptions in society that divide us when they should not.

So, where is this blog going?

Mental Health in adult males directly connected to male suicide.

That is where.

I am fast approaching 50 years old and it took me being tortured and raped in 2006 (12 year anniversary at 6.30pm on December 5th 2018 - not that I am counting...honest) to start asking questions of my mental health. The past 12 years have been a rollercoaster as the NHS has consistantly failed the mental health sector ever since it was created in the 1940s. Not one single government. Not one single political party. Not one single politician has taken the mental health sector seriously.

There is an advert backed by Lloyds Bank where people have post it notes on their foreheads which is a great to highlight how people worry how others will see them. And tonight (Friday 30/11/18) I am watching "I'm A Celebrity" with another incident where Anne Hegerty (The Governess on The Chase) backed out of a trial. Now, throughout the show so far there has been a combination of love and hate towards her. Those with compassion recognise that as someone who battles Aspergers she has gone into the jungle to challenge herself and raise awareness of Aspergers/Autism. Yes, she is being pad for it, but if you speak to people who deal with autism/aspergers you will see that Anne is typical of someone dealing with the condition on a daily basis. It is called sensory overload. There is no cure. You manage it. I see many traits of Aspergers in myself. Another one is no filter and that is evident from Anne in some of her responses. I do the same.

But people who choose to not understand it, or even ask questions about it, will always be out there and always sit behind a keyboard and slag off people who battle challenges on a daily basis. They simply cannot fathom how people with mental health challenges face each day. They see life with a clear mind and as soon as they are feeling a bit down or having a bad day at work, they say "I am so depressed"...NO YOU ARE NOT DEPRESSED as you are simply feeling a bit down because maybe your boss at work is making you do some work for once, or you have broken up with your boyfriend/girlfriend. It is not being depressed. Trust me on this one, if you were suffering from depression you would know it in a heart beat.

As you can see, this blog is going on a bit, but it needs to. This is just the start. There is so much to talk about as people need to wake up and see life is not a bed of roses. Most people who genuinely suffer from a mental health condition do not want your symptathy or special treatment. They just want people to recognise that they have some extra hurdles to navigate and not to judge them as inferior or wastes of space.

As the song lyrics from Rag N Bone Man's "Human" goes...

"I'm only human, after all. Don't put your blame on me."

Now, I have covered just a small bit of the topic of mental health challenges for both males and females. But I have also pinpointed that for adult males it is genuinely harder in British society (just for starters). This is in no way meant to belittle young males and all females (of all ages) who battle mental health, but to speak out about a section of British society that is ignored in the main. Why? No one really knows for sure. No one can say it is due to any of the reasons I have said above, but there is so much evidence to say that the things I have mentioned ALL add up to why people like me have either considered or attempted to take their own life. To be pushed to that edge and see no other way out. People call those who go down the suicide route selfish. They put out there that they are leaving people behind who will be impacted by it.

But remember this. People who are considering taking their own lives see no other way to go but suicide. They feel that the world, their family and loved ones would be better off without them.

Consider having that thought even once. Just once. Scared yet? Think how it is for those who have those thoughts on a regular basis.

Life is not kind. It is not meant to be easy. But if you can carry out one act of kindness each day, then life would be so much easier. Whether it is holding open the door for someone, saying thank you to someone who has served you in a shop or using the word please when asking someone for something. The little things add up, and if you think it makes a difference to the people who live life with a clear head then think how much it means to those of us with those extra mental health challenges to deal with.

Be human. Be kind. Be understanding. Do your bit.

And one last thing. If you see a man crying then ask him if he is okay. You may just save a life. Us men are not all big bad wolves. Some of us are fragile and need a little bit of kindness. But we don't tell you because we are scared of rejection.

Thankyou for reading this blog. My first blog. It took months to get to this point.

One final question...

"Would you miss me if I was gone tomorrow?"

Simon x

[kuraagins]

Some Danatole YouTube au headcanons (I'm sorry)

Based off some asks from @melchirits' blog They have a prank channel Because OF COURSE they fucking do It starts off with Dolokhov being like "let's prank Pierre and put it on the Internet" And Anatole comes up with a MASTER PLAN of putting a piece of paper that says some dumb shit like "ur gay" in one of his books. They film Pierre opening the book and he's just like "??????? Okay???????" But these two fucking assholes think it's the funniest thing, and they do that laugh that prank channels do where they just scream into the camera. And pretty much immediately they start to get a following (Because they're two attractive guys on the Internet the teenagers can SHIP THEM) So they just do more dumb shit to Pierre (and occasionally Ippolyte and Hélène if they're around and in good enough moods that they won't kill them) Balaga helps them out sometimes And their YouTube channel starts to get pretty big Anatole decides to start streaming as well because he likes video games (and also attention) So one time on a stream Hélène comes in and is like "tolya you should make out with Dolokhov for a prank" Because the girl KNOWS her brother is lowkey gay for his bff And Anatole is like "IM NOT GAY IM NOT GONNA KISS A DUDE I LIKE WOMEN" But also everyone in the chat is like YOU SHOULD KISS HIM Because like I said... The internet Ship Them Anatole is a slut for views and attention so he's like "WOW guys I can't BELIEVE you're MAKING me do this y'all are CRAZY, kissing boys is GROSS" And he just grabs the camera goes into Dolokhov's room (because I just decided that they live together in this au) and MAKES OUT WITH HIM Like.... Not a little peck on the cheek like Hélène was expecting There's like tongue and everything Anatole pulls away and they both go super red because they're both so in love with each other but they can't even admit it to themselves let alone each other And Dolokhov is sat there completely dazed And Anatole gets super scared that Dolokhov is gonna get mad at him (because his dad maybe used accuse Anatole of being gay because our boy loves his fashion, which is why he tries to repress his feelings for Fedya???) So he just thrusts the camera in his face and is like "HA ITS A PRANK BRO I GOT U NO HOMO" and runs out the room flustered as hell Dolokhov is just left sitting there like "yes this is fine..... I am 100% okay that my best friend-and long time crush-has just made out with me as a prank" Everyone in the stream chat is going crazy Hélène is Shook Anatole promptly ends the stream early with some weak ass excuse like "oh suddenly I am very sick goodbye" He begins to regret kissing Fedya because MAYBE HE HATES ANATOLE NOW But it does get them more followers so... And now there's thousands of fanfictions about them Anatole googles himself because of course he does and shortly after The Incident he finds some 'danatole' fanfiction And he's like what is this danatole they speak of He reads a couple(hundred) and is like HOLY SHIT I WISH THIS WAS REAL LIFE It's Balaga that comes up with idea of a fake feud "It'll get you a fuckton of views Anatole. A fuckton." Both Anatole and Fedya love the views So Balaga writes diss tracks for them both and gives them ideas for some vague tweets "Can u believe some people just won't stop talking about their foot fetish smh" "When someone u care about takes ur sister out to the opera instead of u #ratsthesedays" (I KNOW 'rats these days' is a very northern British thing but PLEASE guys I find it so funny thinking of Anatole saying it) And then they release the diss tracks Millions of views Everyone is choosing sides There's 'team Anatole' and 'team Dolokhov' merch Anatole calls his fans the 'Anatole kuragin-ers' Dolokhov calls his fans something even dumber like "tHE FIERCE SQUAD" "Anyway fierce squad don't forget to like comment and subscribe and dab on those haters like Anatole kuragin" So then Anatole takes it a Step Too Far And he tweets something like "lol I bet @crazygoodshot was totally into that time I kissed him as a prank #DoesFedyaDolokhovIsGay?" (Anatole is an obnoxious hashtag user fight me) About 5-10 minutes later he walks in on Dolokhov SOBBING And Anatole freaks out It takes him like a good forty five minutes to calm him down because Dolokhov is genuinely devastated He thinks that Anatole knows he's gay and is in love with him and that he hates him for it Eventually Anatole calms him down enough so that Fedya can speak and all he can get out is "do you HATE me Tolya" before breaking down into sobs again Anatole is heartbroken that HE'S done this to Dolokhov so he deletes the tweet and once Dolokhov no longer has any more tears to cry they Anatole takes him out for coffee Buys a drink and a cake for him to try and make up for what he's done All Dolokhov can do is stare blankly at the table He's a whole mix of emotions He's angry that Anatole would out him like that, upset that his friend clearly dislikes him for enjoying the kiss, confused as to why he would tweet that out because this was just supposed to be a bit of harmless fun for the Views Anatole tries to apologise but there's nothing he can say that makes Dolokhov feel better They sit in silence for over an hour and Anatole ends up blurting out "I love you" And Dolokhov looks up for the first time in confusion and Anatole looks at him and says "I'm in love with you Fedya" And Anatole gets all shy and flustered because he finally told Dolokhov about this crush that he'd bottled up for years Poor Dolokhov still doesn't get it he's like "love me in like,,,,, a friend way?" NO YOU FOOL HE LIKE LIKES YOU And once Fedya has come to terms with this after Anatole has gone on some big ramble about how beautiful he finds him Fedya confesses his love for Anatole And they spend the rest of the day holding hands and doing cute couple stuff!!!! Someone sees them and posts a picture of them holding hands and I'd like "are danatole really feuding????" And then the eye emoji about 10 times The picture goes VIRAL Anatole and Fedya make a video a couple of weeks later explains that the feud is over (they're both too proud to admit it was all fake tho) and now they're dating and in love!! And then everyone writes Dan and Phil-esque fanfiction about them BYE

[choclette8]

A super quick, easy and tasty vegan main that can be on the table within twenty minutes. This spinach chickpea curry is made with coconut milk rather than tomatoes, which makes a most delicious change. Serve with rice or flatbreads.

When you want something in a hurry, tins are your friend. Add a few fresh ingredients and some spices and you have a meal fit for anyone. This spinach chickpea curry is one of my go to midweek meals.

Spinach Chickpea Curry

As with most good dinner recipes, this spinach chickpea curry starts with an onion and some oil. Gently fry the onion until translucent, then add spices. If you’re not yet feeling hungry, the aroma of frying onions and spices should do the trick. 

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Fry the onions until translucent.

Add the chilli, garlic, ginger and cumin seeds.

Tip in the coconut milk and give a good stir. Then add the chickpeas and simmer with the lid covered. It’s best to add the chopped spinach stems before the leaves as they’re a little tougher, so will take longer to cook. 

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Add the coconut milk, stir then add the chickpeas.

After a few minutes, add the chopped spinach stems.

I try to go easy on the salt, so you may find that ½ tsp isn’t enough for you. Somewhere between ½ and 1 tsp should be about right. There are however, plenty of flavours going on in this curry. Just think spices, coconut and lime. So you might not need quite as much salt as you think. Just check the seasoning as you go along.

Stir this in just before you add the spinach leaves. Cover the pan and simmer for a further 3-4 minutes.

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Add the spinach leaves and simmer for 3-4 minutes.

Squeeze in the lime juice and give a good stir.

Turn off the heat but leave the lid on whilst you get the table ready and dish up the rice or flatbreads. Finally, squeeze in the lime juice just before serving. Yoghurt goes really nicely with this curry, if you fancy some. See my top tips below for other accompaniments.

Spinach Chickpea Curry Top Tips

Cooking Times

Although you can cook this spinach and chickpea curry within fifteen minutes, it’s tastier if you can leave it for a bit longer. Allow the chickpeas to simmer for an additional five minutes before adding the spinach and the flavours will have a chance to penetrate and develop further.

Can You Cook Your Own Chickpeas?

Yes, you can cook chickpeas from scratch. I boil up a batch then freeze them in tin size portions as so many recipes require tins. A 400g tin of chickpeas contains about 250g once drained of liquid. Don’t forget to keep the liquid, known these days as aquafaba. It can be used for any number of things, including vegan meringues.

Dried chickpeas normally double their weight when cooked. So for the 500g of chickpeas needed for this spinach chickpea curry, you’ll need 250g of dried.

You’ll need to soak the chickpeas overnight prior to cooking. The longer you do this, the less cooking time you’ll need. So I try and soak mine for twenty four hours. Rinse them well, place in a lidded pan and cover with water. Bring to the boil, place the lid on top and simmer for an hour. Try a chickpea. If it’s not soft, continue to cook until the whole batch is done to your liking. But be careful not to overcook to the point of disintegration. 

You can keep the cooking water as aquafaba and use it just as you would the tinned stuff.

What Can You use Instead of Spinach?

Kale and most types of cabbage work really well if you can’t get hold of spinach or don’t like it. Likewise you could substitute chard, beetroot or turnip tops. Nettles make a great spinach substitute when they’re in season too.

All but the turnip tops will need a longer cooking time though. So add them at the same time as you add the chickpeas and test for tenderness before turning the heat off. They may need an extra few minutes.

Coconut or Tomatoes?

A surprising number of people are allergic to tomatoes. So coconut milk can be a very welcome alternative. Moreover, it makes for a particularly creamy and delicious chickpea spinach curry. But a tin of coconut milk is more expensive. You can easily substitute a tin of tomatoes if you prefer. You may, however, need to add a little water if the curry is looking too dry.

What do You Serve with Spinach Chickpea Curry?

For a quick midweek meal, this chickpea and spinach curry is excellent served with just rice or flatbreads. If, however, you want a proper curry night or you’re entertaining, it makes a great centrepiece for a larger spread. Just sprinkle some chopped coriander over the top.

Cauliflower and potato curry is a nice foil as is a mixed vegetable curry. Chutney is a must. Although mango chutney is traditional, I find my spiced apple chutney works a treat. A green salad can freshen things up. And a bowl of cucumber and mint raita is always welcome.

If you’re planning on accompanying the curry with rice, put the rice on to cook before you start on the curry. They should then both be ready at the same time.

Other Chickpea Recipes You Might Like

Barley bowl with spiced aubergine, chickpeas & tomatoes (vegan)

Black chickpea & red quinoa burgers (vegan)

Carrot falafel with tahini sauce (vegan)

Savoury chocolate falafel

Keep in Touch

Thanks for visiting Tin and Thyme. If you make this spinach chickpea curry or a variant of it, I’d love to hear about it in the comments below. Do share photos on social media too and use the hashtag #tinandthyme, so I can spot them.

For more delicious and nutritious recipes, follow me on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram or Pinterest.

Spinach Chickpea Curry. PIN IT.

Spinach Chickpea Curry – The Recipe

Spinach Chickpea Curry

A super quick, easy and tasty vegan midweek main that can be on the table within twenty minutes. Serve with rice or flatbreads.

2 tbsp sunflower oil

1 large onion – finely diced

2 cloves garlic – finely chopped

1 tsp cumin seeds

1 red chilli – seeds removed and finely chopped

2 cm knob ginger – finely chopped or grated

1 tsp favourite curry powder ((I used madras for this one))

1 tsp turmeric

400 g tin coconut milk

½ tsp sea salt – or to taste

500 g cooked chickpeas (2 x 400g tins – drained)

250 g mature spinach – well washed

1 lime – juiced

In a large pan, fry the onion in the oil over a gently heat until translucent – about three minutes.

Turn the heat up a little and add the cumin seeds, garlic, ginger and chilli. Stir and fry for a couple of minutes or so.

Add the curry powder, turmeric, coconut milk and salt. Give a good stir and bring to a gentle simmer. Add the chickpeas, cover the pan and simmer for four minutes.

Chop the spinach stems into 2-3 cm lengths and add to the pot. Place the lid over the top and simmer for three minutes. Roughly chop the spinach leaves and throw in. Cover and simmer for a further three minutes.

Turn off the heat. Leave covered for a further two minutes. Squeeze in the lime juice, stir and serve with rice or flat breads.

Please note: calories and other nutritional information are per serving. They’re approximate and will depend on exact ingredients used.

Sharing

I’m sharing this recipe for spinach chickpea curry with A Strong Coffee for #CookBlogShare.

Spinach Chickpea Curry – With Coconut, Not Tomatoes A super quick, easy and tasty vegan main that can be on the table within twenty minutes.

[spooky-muldy]

Emoji Movie Script

Here it is, Spanish version and other languages coming soon:

The world we live in. It's so wondrous, mysterious, even magical. No. No, not that world. I meant this one. The smartphone. Each system and program and app is its own little planet of perfect technology, all providing services so necessary, so crucial, so unbelievably profound. Look who just sent me a text. Addie McAllister? Must be a mistake. Or a joke. Or a scam. Don't send her your Social Security number. Dude. She's right there. That's our user, Alex. And, like every freshman in high school, his whole life, everything, revolves around his phone. And, as the pace of life gets faster and faster... Phones down in five. And attention spans get shorter and shorter and... You're probably not even listening to me right now. Who has the time to type out actual words? And that's where we come in, the most important invention in the history of communication... Emojis. That's my home. Textopolis. Here, each of us does one thing, and we have to nail it every time. The Christmas Tree just has to stand there all festive. Merry Christmas. It's still September, Tim. The Princesses... I am so pretty. They just got to wear their crowns and keep their hair combed. You guys, we are so pretty. Devil, Poop, Thumbs Up. They just show up, and they're good to go. But for the faces, the pressure is on. Crier always has to cry, even if he's just won the lottery. Hooray! I'm a billionaire! The Laugher is always laughing, even if he's just broken his arm. I can see the bone! Now, me, I'm a Meh. So I got to be totally over it all the time, you know, like, "Meh, who cares?" Which is not as easy as it sounds. Morning, Mrs. D. I see you have the little minis with you. They're so cute. That is so adorable, I can't take it! Now I'll never get them to sleep. Stick to your one face, weirdo. No! No! It's hard to always act blase, when living in Textopolis is just so exciting. Hello, good simians. Those are some sharp attaches. Yes, well, we have business to attend to. What kind of business? Monkey business. I sounded British! Meh. That was really good. Meh. Meh. That was a great... -Whatcha doing there, mate? -Practicing. Today is my first day on the phone. Boy. I'm gonna be so meh. What are you gonna do? Me and the boys are gonna throw ourselves on the barbie! Here's my sauce now. G'day, mate. Hey. Konnichiwa. Sorry, emoticons! I hate knocking over the elderly. Here, let me help, let me help. My colon! Is that the time? Hey, my eyes are up here, pal. Yeah! All right! Right on time. So, last week, Alex sends me next to this guy. That kid! Where does he get this stuff? Why are you laughing, freak? Now, unlike me, my parents are total pros. Gene, please tell me you weren't laughing just now. In public. He was. I remember. Let's go somewhere more private. I have some bad news, Gene. And I'm afraid you'll have the wrong reaction. Okay. What's the wrong reaction? Anything other than "meh." Come on. I don't want to be late. I'm not letting you go to work today. Wait, what? You're just not ready, son. Come on! Working in the cube is an emoji's whole purpose in life. Everybody my age is working on the phone except for me. Sweetie, that's not true. Yeah! I'm gonna work on the phone, and I'm only 10. That's because I believe in you. Should we wash our hands? No, no, no. We're number two! We're number two! We're number two! See? I... I know I'm different, okay? But when I need to, I can be meh. I just... I want to be a working emoji, you know, like... Like everybody else, and then... Then I would finally fit in, you know? You fit in, honey. No, I don't, Mom. I never have. But I can change all that if you'd just let me. Just give me a chance. But what if you get sent out on the phone, making the wrong face? No, Dad, I'll make the right face. Look. Meh... You're so handsome when you make that face. I think he's ready, Mel. Meh. Come on, Dad. Let me prove it to you. If you really think you're ready. I am! Yes! Yes. I promise, I won't let you down. Stop. Congratulations, everyone! What an exciting day for all of you. It's really her. Pizza! Hey! Your first day on the job. Hi. Hi. Don't be nervous. I won't bite. Hi. I'm Smiler. Don't touch me. Hi! Okay. I mean, hey. As you know, I'm Smiler. I am the system supervisor here because I was the original emoji. Here's how it works. It's nothing fancy. Wait a minute. It's really fancy! You each have your own cube on the emoji bar. If Alex chooses you, should you be so lucky, your cube will light up. It's showtime. The scanner will scan you, and that scan will get sent right up to Alex's text box. And let me tell you, guys, there is nothing like getting scanned for the first time. You're gonna love it. Really. Now, over here is the favorites section where you'll find all the most popular emojis. And, of course, you'll find my cube here. You are smooth. Just doing my duty. What? What did I say? Rocket looking to party. Come on, tell me you aren't just a little bit tempted. Steven, for the last time, I don't want to buy a time-share. Come on, man, it's Hi-5. You know me, I'm a favorite. Alex hasn't picked you in weeks. And if he stops picking you, you're no longer a favorite. It's got to be some sort of mistake. I mean, look at me, I'm an attractive hand giving a high five. Fist Bump. Come on in. Hey. Fist Bump? He's a knucklehead. Literally. Look at him. I can look like that. Cramp. Huge mistake. Help. Help me. Help up the hand. There you go. Thanks, mate. Hey, little Meh, how about you create a distraction, and then I'll just slip under the rope? Is someone lost? Smiler, hi. Just leaving. Yeah, you know, just killing time before I go back to my cube in the far corner where Alex can't even see me anymore! You may not be a favorite anymore, but you will always have a place in the cube. Yeah, in the nosebleeds. I'm standing right here. Words hurt. The most important thing I can tell you is to just be yourself. Blah. I was made to be happy, so I am always smiling. Places, please. Emojis to your cubes. Attention. We've got incoming. Got to be meh. Got to be meh. My gosh, my own cube. I can't believe it. I could put a plant over here. And over here could go an inspirational calendar. Okay. Got to be meh. Got to be meh. Look at our son down there. I'm just beaming with pride. You don't think he'll actually get picked, do you? Hie-ro-gly-phics. Hieroglyphics was an ancient language of picture forms. Does that remind anyone of anything? Hello? A language of pictures. Anyone? Early hieroglyphs date back as far as 3,300... I got to reply to Addie's text. What should I write? Nothing. Words aren't cool. Okay. Be cool. Be cool. All right, Alex is not sure how he wants to play this. I would really love it to be me. Beam me up! Beam me up! I need Thumbs Up on standby. Yeah! Thumbs Up is going in! Wait! Alex is changing his mind. He's moving. Okay. Looks like it's gonna be Meh. I'm so nervous, I could almost shrug. We are go for Meh. Initiating scan. Okay. You can do this. I can't do this! I can't do it! What is this? Stop the scan! I can't! It's too late! Meh, meh, meh, meh. My goodness, I'm freaking out! What's he doing? He's making the wrong face! Good for him! Little... Wait, what? Be meh! Be meh! Be meh! Abort! Abort! Shut it down! Shut it down! What is that emoji? Wrong emoji sent! Evacuate the Meh cube! Evacuate the cube! I got to get out of here. Get that bozo out of there! I'm trying! No! My God. The humanity. Medic. Sorry, everybody. That was not what I meant to do. I kinda... I kinda panicked. Are you even a Meh at all? Course he is. He's my spitting image. If you have expressions other than meh, what you are is a malfunction. Malfunction? No! I can be meh. Just give me one more chance. That's not gonna happen. You know what would be really fun? A board meeting. Where we could figure out what to do with you! I knew there was something wrong with him. A malfunction? What's gonna happen to him? He can't work on the phone. What would Alex think? What do his parents think? I just wanted to be useful, you know? Fit in. Now everybody thinks I'm a malfunction. I am a malfunction. Even if you are a malfunction, Gene, your mom and dad still love ya. I knew you weren't ready. Let's get you out of here and take you home. One day, all this will blow over, and everyone will almost forget about what you did. Until then, you should probably stay locked up in the apartment. Wait. You want to hide me away? You're embarrassed of me. It's for your own safety. We're trying to protect you, son. Gene? Where are you going? I'm not gonna run away from this. I'm an emoji, and even though I'm not sure exactly which one, I've got to have some sort of purpose here. I know it. Gene, no. Sweetie, please. Boy. A malfunction... Order! Order! The motion is carried. So, how'd it go, Gavel? Hey, Light Bulb, tell me what's going on in there. What? Poop, what is it? Tell me, turd. Tell me true. What happened? I know it was an accident. We all have accidents. You're so soft, Poop. Not too soft, I hope. Gene! We were just gonna come looking for you. Why don't you come inside the boardroom, and we can have a teeny, weeny chat. Um, I came up here to defend myself, but you seem pretty happy. So, good news? Right. I'm always happy. Right. Hashtag truth. Well, the only thing that could ever make me unhappy is if one of our emoji team made a mistake, which caused Alex to lose faith in the phone. And then our whole world gets wiped out. Smiler, I double-pinky-swear promise to you that I will never, ever make a mistake in the cube again. We know you won't, Gene. We know you won't. You know, the first time you said it, it sounded genuine, but then you repeated it, and then, that was weird. That's because we're setting you up with our best Anti-Virus Bots. So, they'll like... They'll just... They're gonna fix me? Actually, delete you. But yes! If you get deleted, you don't have to worry about what your purpose is or the future or why you're such a malfunction. 'Cause you're deleted, right? All right, good talk. Bots! No! Don't let him escape! Party time! Wait a minute... The air is better here. Beer, Tea. I'm Coffee! Sorry. Sheesh. So edgy. My old cube. Take a hike, Mike. -My name's not Mike. -What? There's AV Bots coming! For me? Just because I'm in the wrong section? Holy deleto! What do we do? Quick! This way! Let's go. Don't tell anyone you're about to see this. They'll never find us down here. Where are we? The basement? No. Welcome to the Loser Lounge, where the emojis who never get used hang out. Go fish, Fish Cake With Swirl. Sweep so you won't cry. Sweep so you won't cry. Sweep so you won't cry. I almost got deleted. Me, Hi-5. Hey. What's up, Hi-5? They weren't trying to delete you. They were trying to delete me. You? What's so important about you they'd send out an entire team of Bots? They say I'm a malfunction. You bringing malfunctions in here now, Hi-5? For crying out loud, Abandoned Luggage, that had better not be my leftover Chinese food. What Chinese food? Do you have any idea what it's like to be living large, hashtag blessed, the favorite of the favorites, and then demoted to this pit of despair? Here, will you hit my calluses for me? At least you're a working emoji. That's all I ever wanted. Well, if that's all it'll take for you to be satisfied, then just find a hacker and get reprogrammed. It's not that complicated. Where would I find a hacker? In the Piracy app. Duh. Who took my clear nail polish? Piracy app? To get there, I mean, I'd have to leave Textopolis. So? I've done it. Would you be a brother? One of the Princess emojis left the phone altogether. Now she lives on the cloud. That is good. I'm sure the hacker that helped her do that could easily reprogram you. The name's Jailbreak. Jailbreak? That's great! Reprogrammed. I just need to be reprogrammed, and then, I can finally be the Meh I was meh to be. Help me find that hacker, Hi-5. Will you? Please? Maybe this hacker could help you, too. Like rewrite some code, get you into the favorites section. Wait a minute. I've been trying to use my charisma and sense of entitlement to get me back on top, but all I need is a hacker. Today's your lucky day. Let's roll. Hey, can I come, too? Talk to the hand, Red Wagon. I thought I was. Bye, Felicia. Ciao, Fish Cake with Swirl. Daddy's heading back to the VIPs where he belongs! Wait. What about the Bots? Good point. Good point. Ouch! Hey. I shouldn't have picked the cactus. I just... I shouldn't have picked it. You didn't even try to get the tree. It's baffling. Let's go. Hi-5? Hello? Hi-5? Where are you? I'm right here! Gene! Here we are, end of the text app. No way. Come on, Gene. It's perfectly safe. Gene, help me! The wallpaper monster's got me! No! Hold on, hold on! Hi-5! No. This is all my fault! I'm so sorry, Hi-5! I'm... I'm just messing with you. It's one of those rubber finger-monster puppets from the '80s. I collected the whole set. All right, you coming? What do I do? What do you mean? Just take a step through the other side. This is it. The next time I come back here, I'll be a real Meh. Hi-5? No! Are you finished? Where are we? Welcome to the Wallpaper. This place is incredible. Each app is its own unique world. That's my face. You're on my... Thank you. What is this place? WeChat. It's like a whole other world. It is. What are they? They're Bubble Pups. They might be cute, but, man, are they clingy. Whee! They're stickers, Gene. Try to get with the program. This is so cool. Wait. What's in that one? -Guys, look at this picture. -Look at my baby. This is what I ate for breakfast. -This is what I ate for lunch! -Here's me on a hike! Here's me in the gym! Here's me in the bathroom! Everybody's talking about themselves. How does he know so many people? None of these people know him, but they like him, and that's what matters in this life, popularity. I... I think I'd... I think I'd rather just have a real friend. A real friend? How's that gonna get you anywhere? What you need are fans. They give you complete and unrelenting support. As long as you're on top. Poor Gene. I blame myself. I blame you, too. I just wanted to be supportive. You just wanted a vacation. You take that back, Mel Meh. Bots. If they haven't found Gene by now, he must have skipped town. You mean the Wallpaper? Our boy's on the run. How about we find him ourselves? Yeah, for sure. Tell all Bots to follow those Mehs. I'm sure they'll know all the freaky-deaky apps Gene will hide out in. I'm really good at making plans, you guys. Right? Here we are. The Piracy app. This is where we'll find Jailbreak. Um... But this is the Dictionary. That's just what Alex wants his parents to think. This is called a skin. Really? What could a teenage boy possibly want to hide from his parents? Just try to keep up. This place can get a little rough. Ahoy, mateys. Look who's back! Hi-5! I'm a bit of a celebrity here. Always welcome.! Loser! Come on. Follow me. Great. Emojis. I thought the conversation just got dumber. Internet trolls. Just ignore them. Eventually, they'll get a job or a girlfriend or some sort of purpose in life, and they'll stop. Virus. We'll just... We'll just walk over this way. Hi! It's so great to see you again. Do I know you? It's Spam. Just sign here and I can get you special discounts on vitamins and credit card offers that can save you up to 25%. No, no, no, don't get sucked in. Back off, Spam! It's the only way to deal... Back off! Thank you very much! You can illegally download our CD right here. Hey, Trojan Horse. How are you? Yeah, what'll it be, hand? I'll have a bottle of "Hack Daniel's." Maybe with a plate of cheese and hackers? You trying to find a hacker? You can just ask, you know. Sorry. Um, yes. We're looking for a hacker named Jailbreak. I know a guy that can hook you up. Right over there. He looks capable. No, not him. Her. Wait. He's a she? Hey, Jailbreak. Mind if we join you? Yes. That's the thing about the Internet, isn't it? You can never tell if someone's being ironic or sincere. I sincerely, unironically want you to go away. That's a good one. So, here's the thing. My friend Gene here has a little problem. Well, see, I'm supposed to be a Meh, but I don't really feel... Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's good. And we thought you could help, since you got the Princess, you know, off the phone. Not interested. Hold up. That's not a Meh face. Bots! They're after me! How are you doing that? Look, it's just something I can do. Can you help us? Follow me. Bots! Delete my history! I corrupted the entire hard drive. I made the most delicious cinnamon buns. Maybe if there was something to, you know, jog my memory. Come on! Move! Hey, Trolls, why is that mailbox wearing a tuxedo? Hi! It's so great to see you again! Call me! This tunnel will get us out of here. Move! Did that cloud taste sweet to you?! Help me! Help! I'm stuck! Sweet motherboard! Where am I? Get me out of here. Hey, Palm Face. Try getting him out the top! Already on it! Hold tight, Gene. This feels very odd, and it smells. I mean, it smells good, it smells delicious, but I still don't like it. The game obviously thinks you're a candy, even though you're weirdly misshapen, you know? What are we gonna do? Stay very still. Don't worry. We've got your back. Right, Hi-5? Hey, Fingers! You want to focus? For your information, I happen to have a sugar addiction, and it's a very serious... Listen, Finger Head! We have to get Gene out of the game without blowing him up. I don't want to blow up. We have to match up the candies, so that Gene will drop to the bottom. And we can't match him with any yellows, or else... Don't do that. Please don't do that. Watch. Match three in a row. Don't blow Gene up. Got it. And we have to be very careful. -Yeah, yeah, yeah. Careful. -Candy! Watch it! Hey! No! No, no, no! Slow down. Not the yellows! Not the yellows. I said careful! My mom just joined Facebook. Can you believe she wanted to friend me? Hey, Addie, I was just wondering if you are... Tasty. What? Um... Excuse me? Sweet. Hey, Addie! Hi, Nikki. See you later, Alex. Sugar Crush. So over this. Wireless Wireless. How may I help you? I'd like to make an appointment. It's like this phone is playing games with me. Hey, what does this do? No! Get me out of here! No! Stop it! Stop, stop! It's not working. Well, there's one option left. We line you up with the yellows. But you said not to do that. Special candies get transported to that jar. The game might think you're a special candy. And what if it doesn't think I'm a special candy? Well... Jailbreak, hello? Hello, Jailbreak? Sorry. What if it doesn't think I'm a special candy? I'm not too worried about it. Okay, just do it. Gene! Gene? Hey. No! Gene! You're alive! You were trying to see if I had somehow turned into candy, weren't you? Yes, I was. And you have not. Hey. Looks like something popped up on Alex's calendar. I'm sure it's nothing. Alex made an appointment at the phone store. No! Calm down, everyone! Calm down. Don't worry. Everything is fine. Maybe Alex just wants to buy some accessories. His appointment is with technical support. Well, I'm sure we still have plenty of time to figure this out. His appointment is for tomorrow. Then maybe it's just for some routine maintenance. Actually, it's to erase the phone. Listen, Gene, I'm about to become your knight in shining armor. You are? Yeah. But first, we need to get uploaded to the cloud. That's where we'll find the source code to reprogram you. The cloud? Isn't that off the phone? Ding, ding, ding, ding. You got it. Yeah, the cloud. Off the phone. We're in Candy Crush, obvs. I know a shortcut to Just Dance, which is right next to Dropbox, where we can get uploaded to the cloud. Of course. Just Dance, then boogie over to Dropbox, catch the link, and zoom. Hold up. Here's the stinker. Before they let us into the cloud, we have to get past this firewall. The firewall uses face identification. Yeah, the firewall. Which is really annoying, because I've already tried to get through. Guessed wrong once, and now I'm locked out for life. Locked out for life? You're thinking, 'cause I can make different faces, the firewall will think I'm different emojis. Yeah. I wanted to say it 'cause it was my idea. You know, women are always coming up with stuff that men are taking credit for. You know what... Well, then let's hit the road. Hi-5, you coming? I'm coming! Why do I always think I'm gonna come around on black licorice? My precious. Hey! Move it! Certain death, here we come. Let's try this one. YouTube? What a visual treat. And I don't even need a remote. That guy is so expressive. He reminds me of Gene. Yeah. Something really wrong with him. Our son is a malfunction, and you should never have let him go into that cube. Don't blame me for this, Mel. I am hopping mad at you. See? Mary, I think we're being followed. But don't overreact. I told you not to overreact. What are you doing now? They'll be in there for hours. Mary, where are you going? I think we should go our separate ways, Mel. I thought I knew the Meh that I married, but maybe I don't. But, Mary... This tunnel will help us avoid the Bots. Thanks for helping us. It's really nice of you. NBD, dude. The truth is, you're helping me. Come on, let's move it. Why so slow? Hi-5, stop. Why are you getting so close? What's with you? Back off. Can't stop now. I'm having a sugar rush! I'll go around you. If I stop moving, my heart's gonna explode! Coming through, Jailbreak! Look out! Hey! Watch it, Knuckle Butt! I can't feel my face. So, Jailbreak, back there you said I'm helping you. I've been trying to get past that firewall for months. Come on, come on! The faster we get there, the faster I become a favorite! Look at me! I just want to bounce out of here, get off the phone, and live on the cloud. What just happened? You don't like it here? There's so many rules here. What is up with that? The cloud is supposed to be amazing. There's so much to see and do. Sugar crash. I can't hold on anymore. Catch me, Gene. Catch me! And you can be whoever you want. Thanks. You're free! Come on! My gosh, my hands are sweating. You are a hand! Yeah! You know, come to think of it, I don't really remember there ever being a hacker emoji. Um, you know, you're taking up too much of my brain space. Let's keep the chitchat to a minimum. Someone likes you. What are you talking about? This is just like when Peace Sign gave me just one finger. I knew she was in love with me. Let's go! I'm never eating another piece of candy ever again. Hi-5, don't do it. Don't you do it. It's already been in there once. Don't do it. Are my fingers getting fat? I'll tell you what, this bandage wasn't so tight before. Okay. We get through this app, and Dropbox is right on the other side. We just need to keep it super DL in here. And no matter what, we can't turn it on. OMG, this turned it on! What? I'm a hand. It's a big, red button. What's happening? No, no, no, no, no! Welcome to Just Dance! Follow my moves and you get to move forward. Do the wrong moves and you get an "X." Three strikes and you're out. Out? What does she mean by "Out"? Digital death. Thanks to you, Fingers. Now we're gonna have to dance our way out. Which is all right with me, 'cause I can shake it like Michael. Or Michael's glove, anyway. Are you ready to dance? This is bad, Gene. I can't dance. I got no groove. Come on. Everybody can dance. Not me, okay? I'm really stiff. See? I can't... Don't understand. Okay. No, no... Stop, stop. She has to stop. I see now what you are saying. Just follow her moves. Ready to dance in three... This I can't do. Two... Dude... Just shut up and... Dance! It's too easy! Hee-hee! Shamone! Jailbreak! I got you. Look. Just feel the music. Express yourself. Through dance? Yeah, you got it! Go, girl! Now throw some sauce on that dance burrito. I'm doing it! I'm fully nailing this dance! You got it! Great job! You're moving on to free dance! Impress us with your moves to move forward. More dancing? You're killing it, Gene! Slay! Nice! Shake it, Gene. You won't break it. Wait a minute! I've never seen that dance before. What's it called? Um... The Emoji Pop? I love it! What? You do? Everybody, do the Emoji Pop! Hoo! Yes! Princess. You're the Princess emoji? You never got off the phone. Welcome, new players! What? Who? No! We got to go. Don't worry. They're robots. They can't dance. Downloading funk protocol. "Can't dance," he says. Move! Congratulations. You're a disco diva. Hey, Alex, you gonna dance for us? Alex, that's extra homework for you. Hey, Alex, you gonna shake it? No! No, no, no, no, no, no! Alex must be deleting the app. Watch out! We got to get out of here. Come on! This song is my jam. Hi-5, come on! Let's go! Hurry! Hi-5! Gene! I got you! Gene... Hi-5! Gene. Hey, wait. Where's Hi-5? Alex trashed the app. And Hi-5 right along with it. Wait, what? Wait, trashed? Hi-5 is in the trash? He wanted to dance. But I knew it was a bad idea. We got to get him out of there. Gene, Dropbox is right here. That's our ticket to the cloud. And the trash is on the other side of the phone. We don't know how many other Bots are out there. I'm sorry. No way. We can't go without Hi-5. I don't care how far away it is. That's my friend down there. I'm not just gonna leave him to get deleted. What? What is it? I've always just thought you got to look out for number one. Well, what good is it to be number one if there aren't any other numbers? Okay. I'm sorry. This is my malfunction. I just... I can't be meh about anything. This is why I'm going to get reprogrammed. Well, it's actually kind of cool. Wait, really? You know, I think I know a shortcut. We can take the music streams in Spotify. Let's go give that big hand a hand. Come on. Alex trashed the Just Dance app, and our Bots are offline, and it's giving me a real headache. I am so angry. I really need to stay happy. Can we please lighten the mood? No one can resist una fiesta! Not that happy. We've only got four hours before Alex's phone appointment. If they find a malfunction on the phone, we are all gonna be wiped. Yeah. She said, "Wiped." Aim higher, Steven. I didn't want to have to do this, but it is fun to press buttons. The illegal upgrade. Now that makes me happy. I just want to dance. Dance, please. Arr! Quiet, you sassy gypsy. Where am I? Hi! It's so great to see you again! You're in the trash, Fingers for Brains. Get away from me, Troll. Hi! It's so great to see you again! I got to get out of here. You can't. And at the end of the day, the trash gets emptied, and we're all gonna die! No. No, no! This is the last face you will ever see. No! This is Spotify? Yep. Every one of those streams is a different song. Is it safe? Yeah! Are you sure this is a good idea? Fastest way to the trash, dude! Could we at least pick a calmer stream? Okay, buzzkill. Alex. A bunch of people are hitting the promenade. I think Addie might be there, too. That's perfect! I have an appointment down there, anyway. I've got to get this phone fixed. Hey, bubble butt. Yeah, you do. Much better. So, I got to ask. Is it true that when a princess whistles, birds fly down from the skies, and... Hello, stereotype. That is a complete and total myth. I'm sorry. Did you realize that on the first emoji set, a woman can either be a princess or a bride? That's why I need to get to the cloud, where you can be whoever you want to be. Get ready. Whale song coming. -Wait, wait. Whale what? -A whale song. From Alex's biology presentation. You're not gonna see that sitting around in a cube. It's funny. You want out of the cube, and I want in. Gene, if that means you can't be yourself, what's the point? You know, I think you're pretty cool just the way you are. We're gonna need this. In the trash? Me? I used to be somebody. Here I am. Look. In an old e-mail Alex never sent. "Addie, blah, blah, blah, blah, bla-la-la-la." And then there's me, Hi-5, right there, doing my job. FYI, nobody cares about you. Just leave me, Troll, and let me die in this dump alone. Let me look for the world's smallest violin in here, so you can play it. It's the Hand Angel of Mercy. She's finally come for me. Give me your hand! I mean, give me yourself. Take my hand, angel. I'm ready to take my place amongst the other great hands of the past. It's me, Gene! Gene? I got him! Take me with you. Hi-5! Let go of me. Don't leave me down here! You were wrong, Troll. People do care about me. And I'm not upset, Troll. Do you see how not upset I am? Gene, you came back for me. You saved me. It wasn't just me. Jailbreak helped, too. And she's a hugger. Give her a squeeze. No, no, no. There really is nothing greater than the feeling of being truly free. You filthy trolls, I inhaled your stench, but I was once one of you, so I, too, feel your pain. Now go. Be free! Should be smooth sailing from here. Gene. Gene. Gene? Are you Instagramming? Where is my Gene? Mary. You've really done it this time. No, you haven't. Mel? What are you doing in Alex's trip to France album? I was looking for you. None of this is your fault, Mary. It's mine. What do you mean? Is that a tear on your cheek? It's my fault Gene is the way he is. I have other expressions, too. I think they've just been buried away. But with Gene going missing and thinking I might have lost you, too... Mel. Why didn't you tell me? I didn't know myself. Right now, I'm so overwhelmed with passionate feelings for you. Mary, my love for you burns with the intensity of a red-hot flame. I like that, Mel. Let's go find our son. Together. We'll always have Paris, Mary. So, you're a princess. I saw your little tiara. Very fancy. Is it true when a princess whistles, birds fly down from... That's what I said! No, guys! That's a stupid myth! What software version are we living in? Go read an e-book. Educate yourselves. Just look behind you. What the... What is that? Smiler must have upgraded her Bots. Let's get out of here before it... Hi, Gene. Remember me? Smiler. I'm coming to you live from the amphitheater. Why don't you come back to Textopolis and we can talk through our differences, okay? My friend here will escort you, all right? I'm gonna see you soon, buddy. Bye, now. We're actually gonna delete him in front of everyone. Psst! It's still on! It's still what? Jiminy Sassafras! Move! Separate! Tangle him up! Jailbreak! Gene! This way! It's still after me! Let's go. We have to make it to Dropbox. Yes! No! Go low! Don't worry. It can't get in. It's illegal malware, and this app is secure. Come on. Welcome to Dropbox. You are about to leave the phone. Remain seated, please. You might want to hang on. Why do they call this Dropbox, anyway? This is why! I see that now! Yeah! I think we're about to see that candy corn again! We made it. Hoo! Guys, guys, chill. We still have to get past that. Holy... Yeah. Hello. Welcome to the firewall. How may I help you? All right, here goes. What do I do? Sit in the corner and don't say a word. Keep those sausage fingers to yourself. Yes, Your Majesty Princess of Nightmares! Now, Gene, step onto the password icon, and I'll feed you the passwords. Okay. Okay. 10-11-2002. 10-11-2002. Access denied. Okay, try a different expression. Is it gonna blast me every time I mess up? Yeah, kinda. What do you mean, "Kinda"? Ready? Welcome to the firewall. His favorite food. Chimichangas. Chimichangas? Access denied. This might take a while. Boy. Krav Maga. Krav Maga. Major Lazer. Major Lazer. Abuela Dora! Skate or die. Access denied. Denied. I don't get it. We've tried all the important things in Alex's life. His favorite pet, sport, his favorite grandma. I'm sorry, Gene. I let us all down. You know, if I had to come up with a password, I'd probably use the name of a girl I liked. I've been all over the phone. He's never mentioned a girl. Yes, he has. Hi. When I was in the trash, I read a very interesting e-mail, but I'm just the dunce in the corner, forbidden to speak. What e-mail? Sorry, what? What e-mail? To a girl at school. He was declaring his feelings of love for her. I guess instead of sending it, he tossed it in the trash. Hi-5, this is very important. What is her name? Her name, yes. Excellent question. It was Tina. Karen. Marge. Lindsey. Alison. Sarah or Lupita. I want to say Lupita, but that doesn't feel right now I'm saying it out loud. Jennifer. Got to find that e-mail. Phillipa. I think I can access the trash. Annabelle. -I got it! Addie! -Yes! Yes! That's it! Addie! I knew I'd get there. "Dear Addie, you and I, we're like diamonds in the sky. "You're a shooting star I see, "a vision of ecstasy. "Shine bright like a diamond." And he used a high five, see? I guess now we know why he trashed it. Shade. Guys, should we try this? Addie. Access granted. Snap. This place is amazing. The cloud. I can't believe it. One little emoji could sure get lost in a place like this. I guess we should make you a Meh before that Bot comes back? So, we're gonna... We're gonna do that now? We had a deal. Right? Yeah, okay. Right. I, guess I'll start hacking. We did it, Gene. All our dreams are coming true. I'll be an Alex favorite again, and you'll be a real Meh. Yeah! Yeah, but this all seems kind of super-fast now, though. Doesn't it? Hi-5, I just didn't expect to be having these feelings right now. Well, maybe you should go and express them while you still can. So, I've been... I mean, um... Ever since we... Jailbreak, you're the coolest, most interesting emoji I've ever met. And after all the adventures that we had, I'm just not sure I want all that to go away, because my feelings right now are, like, huge. I just think that they could be enough for me to want to stay the way I am. If it means I could stay here with you. Like, forever. Forever and ever and ever. Maybe longer than that even. Like in the fairy tales. Like, what is "? Is that a good "? Gene, if this is about you deciding not to be meh, then I am all about that. I like you just the way you are. But I had a plan. Right. I'm not just some princess, Gene, waiting for my prince. I mean, what you said was beautiful, but... Gene. You're all meh. The source code worked! Turns out I didn't need it. For the first time in my life, meh is all I feel. No! Gene! Hi. I have an appointment. I'm a little early. No problem. I can take you right now. Jailbreak! Don't do that! That freaky huge Bot has got Gene back inside the phone. What? He left looking more meh than the meh-est meh face I've ever seen. What did you say to him? It's what I didn't say. We've got to go get him. How are we gonna get in there in time before he gets deleted? I can't believe I'm doing this. You tell anyone you saw this, and I'll crack more than those knuckles. Birds do love princesses! It's not a myth. It's not a myth at all! What happened to becoming a favorite? Guess I'd rather have one real friend. And let's go get him. I can't wait to see the look on Gene's face! Look at that expression. Is that for realizing you've put all of Textopolis at risk, causing Alex to question our reliability? Hey, that's going too far, even for me. If we can delete this malfunction before his appointment, they'll discover there's nothing wrong with the phone. Any last words? Meh. Well, it's too late for that. Delete him! Wait. You delete Gene, you'll have to delete me, too. I have the same malfunction Gene does. Dad? Gosh, I don't know what to do. Yes, I do. Bot! No! Sorry, Mrs. Meh. I did not see that one coming. Smiler, I think you might be making too much stink out of all this. Really? How about you're next? I was wrong, Gene. I should've believed in you all along. What a touching daddy-son reunion moment. It reminds me of the time I deleted you both. Wait. That's this time! Delete the two malfunctions! No. How's that for an... Great. I can't reach! No! What did you do to my beautiful... My tooth. Hand, button. Jailbreak? Gene. You really are a Meh. What happened to looking out for number one? Being number one doesn't matter if there aren't any other numbers. Alex's appointment! He's deleting the phone! No, no, no! Show me Alex. Are you sure you want to delete everything? Do it. Red alert! Red alert! Alex, no! Game over. Fellas, I'm afraid this is last call. Dude, Addie's here. You should go over. Every time I try, I screw it up. I don't know how to tell her how I feel. If we help Alex connect to Addie, maybe he won't delete us. I might be able to bypass the wipe and get a text through to him. But we'll only have time to send one. Maybe I should go. He has love in his eyes. Send me. Alex looks nervous, too. He's more shy than nervous. Stop! It's Gene. He's all of those things. An emoji should only be one thing. Really? The Princess! Linda! Not now, Mom! Gene, you got this. That's not me anymore. But I have to try. It's starting! No, it's ending! I'm working on it. Mom? Dad? No. I'm in. Last time I was in this cube, I screwed everything up. Gene, why do you think I came back? It's because of you. Me? It's all inside of you, Gene. Just try to bring it back. And do you. Hi-5! I don't want to wave good-bye. It's now or never, Gene. Jailbreak, now! Check out this emoji. No way. Hey, I got your text. That's one super-cool emoji. I know, right? A lot of feelings in one. I get it. I like that you're one of those guys who can actually express his feelings. Yeah. That's me. So, do you think you'd want to... Yes. I'd love to go to the dance with you. Hey, excuse me. We made it! I could've lost you, Peter Pinkie. Or you, Reggie Ring Finger. Even you, Tiberius Thumb. Change your mind? Yeah, maybe it's weird, but... I'm gonna hold on to it. Gene, you did it! You saved us all! Mel. Gene! Gene! Gene! Gene! Gene! Gene. Gene. Gene. Gene! Gene! Gene! Gene! Gene! Gene! Gene! Gene! Gene! Gene! They love us! And Hi-5! And Hi-5! And Hi-5! And Hi-5! They love both of us! Hey, what up, Gene? Slap me some skin. And a little porridge for the pinkie. Hey, Hi-5, save me a dance for later. As long as you're not all hands again. Back on top of the hand pile. You're not on the list. -Wait, what? -What's going on? From now on, everyone is welcome! Wait, what is all this? It's for you, Gene. Everybody, the Emoji Pop! This is jazzy. Yeah. Go, Eggplant! Go, Eggplant! Go, Eggplant! We are out of Alex's pocket, emojis. This is not a butt dial. To your cubes. -Are we up and running? -Roger that. Good, 'cause we got incoming. Looks like it's gonna be Gene. Hey, Gene, ready to try out your new cube? In three, two... Read more: https://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/movie_script.php?movie=the-emoji-movie

[gethealthy18-blog]

Easy Garlic Butter Recipe

New Post has been published on http://healingawerness.com/news/easy-garlic-butter-recipe/

Easy Garlic Butter Recipe

My family is in love with this Easy Garlic Butter Recipe. Not only is it tasty, it only uses three simple ingredients that you probably have in your kitchen already.

Last week at the store, I found a great sale price on quarts of whipping cream.  Making homemade butter and flavored butters has been on my want to do list for several months.  With the low price and a less busy schedule, I thought it was the perfect time to try to make butter.

I used my homemade butter for this easy garlic butter recipe, but I have also made it with store-bought butter.  I recommend getting the highest quality grass fed butter that you can find because it really does make a difference in how this garlic butter recipe tastes.

I used this homemade easy garlic butter recipe to make garlic bread.  I love the convenience of frozen garlic bread, but I don’t like the ingredient list.  When I have extra time, I make extra bread, add this garlic butter, and then freeze it.

You can also spread this garlic butter on fresh bread and bake it for homemade garlic bread.  It works really well on French bread or Texas toast.  Just bake at 350 degrees for 10 minutes or until golden.

There are many other ways to use this easy garlic butter recipe.  I use it to saute chicken for savory recipes.  I’ve also used it on top of a steak for a buttery, garlicy treat.  This garlic butter tastes great on steamed veggies, especially asparagus.

EASY GARLIC BUTTER RECIPE NOTES

Some garlic butter recipes call for garlic powder or minced garlic.  I think fresh pressed garlic from whole garlic cloves are better than powdered or minced garlic, but you can use any of these options.  If you use minced garlic, use 4-5 teaspoons in place of the fresh garlic.

You need to start with softened butter for this recipe.  I left mine on the counter covered for several hours to soften it.  It you need to speed it up, put hot water in a glass or metal bowl to warm up the bowl then drain.  Put the butter on a plate and put the warmed up bowl over the butter for 10 minutes to soften the butter.

Easy Garlic Butter Recipe

My family is in love with this Easy Garlic Butter Recipe. Not only is it tasty, it only uses three simple ingredients, that you probably have in your kitchen already.

5 from 1 vote

Print Pin Rate

Course: Condiment

Cuisine: American

Prep Time: 10 minutes

Cook Time: 5 minutes

Total Time: 15 minutes

Servings: 4

Calories: 412kcal

Author: Cari Dunn

Ingredients

1 cup butter at room temperature

4 garlic cloves

4 tbsp parsley

salt to taste (optional)

Instructions

Place softened butter in a shallow bowl.

Add freshly pressed garlic and parsley.

Fold the parsley and garlic in the butter using a spoon, butter knife, or your hands. Mix well.

Store your garlic butter in an airtight container up to 2 weeks in the refrigerator or in the freezer. If you freeze it, make sure the container is airtight so it doesn’t take on the flavors of other things in your freezer.

Notes

If you want to make a large amount of this garlic butter recipe, mold it into a long tube and wrap in freezer paper. Put it in the freezer until firm and cut off slices. Then package the slices to freeze. Then you can take out a slice of the garlic butter to put in the fridge to thaw when you need it. I have also frozen this garlic butter in an ice cube tray. When frozen, take the garlic butter out of the tray and put in an airtight container. Use one or two frozen cubes to saute or add to vegetables. This makes a great butter option for mashed potatoes as well.

Nutrition Facts

Easy Garlic Butter Recipe

Amount Per Serving

Calories 412 Calories from Fat 414

% Daily Value*

Fat 46g71%

Saturated Fat 29g181%

Cholesterol 122mg41%

Sodium 407mg18%

Potassium 46mg1%

Carbohydrates 1g0%

Vitamin A 1740IU35%

Vitamin C 6mg7%

Calcium 24mg2%

Iron 0.3mg2%

* Percent Daily Values are based on a 2000 calorie diet.

Making this recipe?I’d love to see it! Snap a pic and tag @livingthenourishedlife in your Instagram post or story, and add hashtag #livingthenourishedlife. And don’t forget to leave a star rating here to let me know what you think.

MORE HOMEMADE RECIPES:

You can read more about my thoughts on nutrition, stress and metabolism in my eBook The Nourished Metabolism. No gimmicks, just a balanced perspective on how you can improve your metabolic health. Click here to check it out.

Cari Dunn is homesteading on an 11.5 acre farm with her husband, three kids, 5 goats, and flock of chickens. She currently blogs at Everything Pretty where she features health and beauty tips along with DIY beauty recipes.

Source: https://livingthenourishedlife.com/easy-garlic-butter-recipe/

[faucetdouble51-blog]

Chocolate Peanut Butter Pie of Your Dreams

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Chocolate Peanut Butter Pie of Your Dreams

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Dessert doesn’t get any better than a Chocolate Peanut Butter Pie with layers of graham cracker, peanut butter filling, and chocolate. It’s a chocolate and peanut butter lover’s dream come true!

Chocolate Peanut Butter Pie

If there was ever a dessert to put someone in a legitimate food coma, it would be this pie. I’m kind of going into a trance just thinking about it right now. It’s only fitting that the first time this recipe came into my life it was the national day of food comas, Thanksgiving.

Just this past Thanksgiving I learned what I had been missing out on my whole life while spending the holiday in Chicago with my boyfriend’s family. His mom Jane, the sweetest lady you’ll ever meet, makes this peanut butter pie every year for Thanksgiving and it’s always a crowd favorite, like so much blood will be drawn if it’s missing from the dessert table. After trying it I totally understand why!

Thankfully, as mentioned before, she’s the best and gave me the recipe, allowing me to share it with all of you! 

A Triple Threat Peanut Butter Pie

This pie is kind of like that girl you love to hate in every teenage drama lifetime movie. You know, the one that looked like she walked right off a runway while managing to be the valedictorian, and the captain of the dance team. The true triple threat that everyone wanted to be.

So, what I’m trying to say is that every other pie out there is going to be jealous of this one. From the graham cracker crust to the peanut butter filling, topped off with a chocolate ganache, this chocolate peanut butter pie has it all!

All of the flavors come together for a chocolate peanut butter perfection that’s irresistible!

How To Be A Chocolate Peanut Butter Pie Superhero

If you want to be the hero of all future parties and family gatherings, just like Jane, you just have to follow the quick and easy steps to make this pie!

It does have 3 different layers, but don’t let that make you think it’s too hard because trust me it’s not! You can actually even shorten the directions, and prep time and buy a store made graham cracker crust. It makes the whole pie no-bake, taste just as good and it saves some time!

Then all you have to do is mix up the peanut butter filling, and the chocolate topping. They’re both super simple and only take a few ingredients.

Once you get through the torture that is waiting for it chill for a couple hours, it will be ready to serve. Just don’t forget to top it with whipped cream first (a rule my boyfriend’s family lives by).

How to Save and Store A Chocolate Peanut Butter Pie

I debated on whether or not this paragraph was necessary because it’s so good, that most of the time it’s probably going to be devoured before you even have the chance to save any. If you do manage to sneak some away for later here’s what you’ll do.

The cream cheese component in this chocolate peanut butter pie means it needs to be kept in the refrigerator. It will keep for about 4-6 days refrigerated, and 6-9 months frozen.

When storing in the refrigerator be sure to cover the pie with plastic wrap, or cut it up into slices and place it in an airtight container.

Like This Peanut Butter Pie Recipe? Pin It!

More Chocolate… More Peanut Butter… More of Everything Good

A chocolate peanut butter combo is my absolute favorite. If I could only eat one thing for the rest of my life it would probably be something chocolate peanut butter. I make sure to always be on the watch for new recipes to try, and I’ve found some pretty amazing ones lately. Here are a few of my favorites.

Peanut Butter Blow Out Cookies

Chocolate Peanut Butter Energy Balls

Peanut Butter Banana Bread With Chocolate Chips

Peanut Butter Lasagna

Easy Peanut Butter Chocolate Fudge

Chocolate Peanut Butter Crunch Bars

Your New Chocolate Peanut Butter Obsession

You have to be craving a slice of pie by now. If not, I think you might need to see a doctor, because something’s must be wrong with you. Since I know you’re going to start whipping up this recipe immediately, I look forward to seeing your pics and comments in a few hours once you’ve tried your beautiful creation.

Yield: 8-10 servings

Chocolate Peanut Butter Pie

Prep Time: 25 minutes

Cook Time: 8 mins

Total Time: 33 minutes + chill time

Dessert doesn't get any better than a Chocolate Peanut Butter Pie with layers of graham cracker, peanut butter filling, and chocolate. It's pie perfection.

Print Recipe

Ingredients:

Crust

1 1/2 cups graham cracker crumbs (about 1 1/2 sleeves of graham crackers)

1/3 cup of sugar

8 tablespoons (1 stick) unsalted butter, melted

Filling

8 ounces cream cheese, at room temperature

1 cup creamy peanut butter

1 cup sugar

3/4 cup of heavy or whipping cream

Topping

1/2 cup sugar

1/2 cup heavy or whipping cream

2 ounces unsweetened chocolate

4 tablespoons (1/2 stick) unsalted butter

1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

Directions:

Preheat the oven to 350°F

Prepare the crust: Combine the graham cracker crumbs, sugar, and melted butter in a mixing bowl, and stir until well combined. Press the mixture into the bottom and sides of a 9-inch pie dish.

Bake crust for 8 minutes. Set aside to cool completely. (throw it in the freezer to speed up the cooling process if necessary)

Prepare the filling: With an electric mixer combine the cream cheese, peanut butter, and sugar in a large bowl until well blended. Set aside.

Whip the cream with an electric mixer until stiff peaks form, and fold it into the cream cheese mixture. Spoon the filling into the cooled crust.

Prepare the topping: Combine the sugar and cream in a small saucepan and bring to a boil. Reduce the heat and simmer, without stirring, for 6 minutes.

Remove the pan from the heat, immediately add the chocolate and butter, and stir until melted. Then stir in the vanilla.

While still warm, carefully pour the topping over the pie, and refrigerate, uncovered, for at least 4 hours.

Instead of making a graham cracker crust, you can also buy a premade crust and skip directions 1-3 Make sure the cream cheese is completely softened, my best tip is to set it on the counter, or outside for several hours as opposed to softening in the microwave. It's what gives me the best results. Don't skip the chill time, or the filling and topping will be too soft, and you'll be unable to cut smooth pieces. Dust with some extra graham cracker crumbs for an extra crunch on top.

Making this recipe? Share it with us on Instagram using the hashtag #TidyMom so we can see what you're creating in the kitchen!

Want more great recipes like this? Follow my TidyMom Easy Recipes Pinterest Board

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Categories: Desserts, Pies/Cobblers, Recipes Tags: Chocolate, cream cheese, graham cracker, Peanut Butter, peanuts, pie

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about the author Allison Sousan

I'm Allison, a girl who loves a challenge and is ready for anything that life dishes out. I am here to follow my passion and dive into the crazy and fun world that is strategic communications. If I'm not doing school work you can usually find me at Busch Stadium bleeding Cardinal Red, or obsessing over my pride and joy that comes in the form of a 60 pound Border Collie. If you also love those things check out my Instagram @allisonsousan

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Source: https://tidymom.net/2018/chocolate-peanut-butter-pie/

[runfront3-blog]

Vegan spinach and ricotta pierogi

I’ve had several requests for another pierogi recipe and, while I was dragging my feet a bit, I finally rolled up my sleeves (metaphorically and literally) and made a mountain of spinach and tofu ricotta pierogi. They are not difficult to make, just a bit time consuming.

As I get to watch how quickly a massive plate of pierogi disappears down Duncan’s mouth with seemingly limitless appetite for more, I realise that it’s both a compliment and a nuisance. I guess it’s the realisation how long it took me to make them versus how few meals (i.e. just ONE meal unusually) they translate into is what puts me off making them more often.

If I still lived in Krakow, I don’t think I would ever bother to make pierogi at home as there are so many takeout places that specialise in every flavour of pierogi possible that it would be just plain silly. Not all of them are good, of course, but if you know where to go you’ve got your pierogi cravings covered for the rest of your life!

Having said that, nothing beats well made pierogi at home and being vegan narrows down the choices available to you quite drastically, so sometimes homemade is indeed best. Plus, when I am not rushing and there is a good podcast or music going on in the background and sunshine peaking through my kitchen window, like today, pierogi making can be quite therapeutic actually.

These spinach and vegan ricotta pierogi (it’s not ‘pierogis’, btw as ‘pierogi’ is already plural) combine wilted and dried out spinach and a quick, vegan take on ricotta into a delicious filling. I served mine with some crisped up shallots, a pinch of mild chilli (just because) and a smattering of fresh, minced parsely. If you are after a healthier version, have them straight after they’ve been boiled, but I love my savoury (for some reason sweet ones do not benefit from the same treatment) pierogi pan fried in a little olive oil after they’ve been cooked and cooled (that’s important). It’s makes them look and taste a whole lot nicer!

PS: If you make my vegan spinach and ricotta pierogi, don’t forget to tag me on Instagram as @lazycatkitchen and use the #lazycatkitchen hashtag. I love seeing your takes on my recipes!

makes: 45

prep: 90 min

cooking: 30 min

Ingredients

FILLING

olive oil

1 medium shallot (+ 2 more for serving if desired), diced finely

2 garlic cloves, diced finely

300 g / 10.5 oz fresh spinach

200 g / 7 oz firm (cotton) tofu

2 tbsp lemon juice

zest of 1 unwaxed lemon

1 tbsp nutritional yeast

½ tsp salt, adjust to taste

¼ tsp nutmeg powder

black pepper, to taste

DOUGH

250 g / 2 cups all purpose flour

1 level tsp sea salt

30 ml / 2 tbsp reduced aquafaba* (optional)

15 ml / 1 tbsp olive oil

120 ml / ½ cup hot water

Method

FILLING

Heat up the olive oil in a medium pan. Gently fry diced shallots until translucent and lightly caramelised. Some of them will go into the filling and the rest will be used as topping. If using 3 shallots, remove 2/3 of the fried shallots and set aside for the topping.

Next add in garlic cloves and fry on a gentle heat for a few minutes, stirring the whole time.

Remove the aromatics from the pan, fill the pan with a cup of water and add washed spinach. Allow the spinach to wilt, moving it around frequently. Once wilted, lift it off the pan with tongs and place it on a sieve to cool.

Meanwhile, place tofu in the food processor together with aromatics, lemon juice, lemon zest, nutritional yeast, salt, nutmeg and pepper. Process until smooth, adjust seasoning to taste remembering that spinach that will get mixed into the ‘ricotta’ does not have any salt in it. Place the ricotta in a mixing bowl, but don’t wash your food processor yet.

Once the spinach is cold, squeeze all the water out it it – I find that placing it in the middle of a muslin cloth and squeezing the water out gives the best result. Go over it more than once if necessary to ensure that it’s a dry as possible.

Place dry spinach in the food processor and mince it well.

Add minced spinach to the ricotta and mix the two really well.

DOUGH

In a mixing bowl, combine flour and salt. Add aquafaba (if using) and olive oil. Mix well and add about 120 ml / ½ cup of hot water. Once combined roughly with a wooden spoon, start bringing the dough together with your hands. If after a little bit of kneading the dough isn’t holding together (initially it’s supposed to be a bit dry to the touch but hold together), it may need a bit more hot water. It is very important to add the water in very small amounts as too much water will negatively affect the dough. Knead it for about 5-10 minutes with your hands (after kneading, the dough should become very smooth and elastic, but not sticky) and then set aside for 30 minutes under a damp kitchen towel so that the dough doesn’t dry up.

Once the dough has had a chance to rest, grab ¼ of the dough and roll it out with a rolling pin on a lightly floured surface. You want it to be about 1-2 mm thin; the thinner the dough, the tastier the dumplings. With a cookie cutter or an upside down glass, cut out circles in the dough. Place less than a teaspoon of the filling in the centre of each circle, fold the circle in half and press the edges of the semi-circle together with your fingers. Go over each dumpling twice to make sure everything is sealed completely. Put the finished dumplings on a lightly floured surface and cover them with a damp kitchen towel while making the rest so that they don’t dry out. Continue in the same way until you’ve used up all of the dough or the filling.

Bring a medium pot of water to boil. Once the water is boiling, throw in 10 dumplings at a time and from the moment the water comes to the boil again cook for 5 minutes (depending on how thick your dough is). Once the time is up, fish them out with a slotted spoon and place on a clean plate. Put a new batch in until you have cooked them all.

OPTIONAL STEP: Heat up a little olive oil in a pan and place the cooled-down (they should be cold!) dumplings in the pan. Turn them after they’ve browned on one side. Make sure you don’t overcrowd the pan and do not turn the dumplings too early as they may start falling apart.

Whilst you are frying your dumplings, warm up the rest of your sauteed shallots, season them with salt and pepper and serve with your dumplings.

Notes

*This is totally optional, I prefer my pierogi dough with it as it’s a bit more tender, but feel free to sub with more water.

If you want more info on some of the ingredients that we use in our recipes, check out our glossary.

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Source: https://www.lazycatkitchen.com/vegan-spinach-ricotta-pierogi/

[risevessel4-blog]

Vegan sweet potato curry

How are you holding up, guys? I hope that the festive period has not taken too much of a toll on you? Have you made any New Year’s resolutions? Are they sticking? My main resolution is to take better care of my mental health. I’ve stuck to running 4 times a week (unfortunately 5 may have proved to be a bit too ambitious) and that consistency has had a massive impact on my mood already, so I am motivated to keep going.

It does feel tough at times, like today when the temperature outside feels like just above freezing and it takes good 10 minutes of running before I don’t feel cold anymore, but the benefits outweigh the negatives, so I am sold on it.

Apart from a few blips that have been caused by real life stuff, I have been feeling good and managed to keep depression at bay for a while now. I still get anxious though – mostly in the morning and in middle of the night when I sometimes wake up with a looming sense of dread, even though there is nothing dreadful going on.

It’s just my imagination going wild on me, coming up with the most insane scenarios that aren’t at all believable when I am not in the midst of an anxiety attack. It’s so weird. So my resolution is to get better at doing yoga and meditating daily to quiet my overactive mind, instead of wasting my time on social media, which actually makes me feel a lot worse. I’m sure many of you can relate?

If there are any new vegans out there reading this post, I wanted to say ‘hi! I’m so glad you’ve decided to give it a go’ and welcome you with a pot of heart warming sweet potato and cauliflower curry! It’s easy to make, delicious and filling.

This curry features one of my favourite vegetables (I mean, it is pretty hard to choose as I genuinely love them all) – sweet potato, which according to Dr Greger might be one of the healthiest and cheapest sources of nutrition (full video here). It contains a unique type of protein called sporamin that suppresses cancer cell growth, cancer cell migration and invasion. That’s a pretty sweet deal, given how good it happens to taste too!

PS: If you make my vegan sweet potato curry, don’t forget to tag me on Instagram as @lazycatkitchen and use the #lazycatkitchen hashtag. I love seeing your takes on my recipes!

serves: 4

prep: 15 min

cooking: 60 min

Ingredients

2 tbsp / 30 ml vegetable oil

2 tsp black mustard seeds

10 dry (or fresh ones if you can find them) curry leaves

1 small onion, diced finely

4 garlic cloves, diced finely

thumb-size piece of ginger, grated finely (about 4 tsp grated)

2 fresh red chillies, sliced (deseeded if you want to make it milder)

1 tsp ground turmeric

½ tsp cinnamon

1½ tsp garam masala

3 tsp mild curry powder

400 ml / 14 oz can of plum tomatoes

approx. 225 g / 8 oz cauliflower (1 small head)

approx. 450 g / 1 lb sweet potato (2 small)

400 ml / 14 oz coconut milk

1½ tsp salt, adjust to taste

a good grind of black pepper

1 heaped tsp tamarind paste (or lime juice, to taste)

fresh coriander, to serve

chopped roasted cashews, to serve

Method

Heat up the oil in a heavy-bottomed pot.

Add mustard seeds and curry leaves. Stir them into the oil and allow them to heat up until the mustard seeds start to crackle.

Once mustard seeds have been crackling for a few seconds, add the diced onion and fry it on a low heat until almost translucent (for about 5-7 minutes), stirring from time to time.

Next add in diced garlic, ginger and chilli. Keep on frying gently for a few more minutes until fragrant, stirring the whole time as they burn easily.

Add all of the dry spices to the onion / garlic / ginger / chilli mix and stir them around for a few seconds, making sure they don’t burn – if the pan gets too dry, add a splash of water.

Stir in canned tomatoes gently (so that they don’t burst and splatter) squashing them with a fork once they are in the pan.

Next, add in about 480 ml / 2 cups of water.

Cover the pot and allow the sauce to come to a gentle simmer. Simmer on a low heat until the tomatoes fall apart and the sauce becomes more uniform, without large tomato chunks in it.

While the sauce is simmering, chop up cauliflower into florets and cube the sweet potato.

Mix in coconut milk.

Season with salt, black pepper and tamarind (or lime juice).

Put the cubed sweet potato into the sauce and cover the pot. Allow it to simmer gently in the sauce for about 10 minutes.

Add cauliflower florets to the sauce and allow them to simmer for about 5-6 minutes. You could also roast the cauliflower in the oven for that nice char – to do so, coat it in 2 tsp of oil and roast it for about 20 minutes at 200° C / 390° F.

Serve on top of rice garnished with fresh coriander and chopped roasted cashews.

Notes

If you can, allow the curry flavours to develop overnight as it always tastes better the day after it has been made. If you are making this dish a day in advance, I recommend not cooking the vegetables until just before serving.

If you want more info on some of the ingredients that we use in our recipes, check out our glossary.

Join our mailing list

and get a sweet e-book

Source: https://www.lazycatkitchen.com/vegan-sweet-potato-curry/